


Honeycrisp

by vanishing_apples



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: E rated for last chapter, M/M, Orchard AU, VERY cheesy fluff, You Have Been Warned, background alexiel/europa, but not a historical thing, i just wanted to write very cheesy fluff, parent primarchs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 08:49:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15602718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanishing_apples/pseuds/vanishing_apples
Summary: The only child of wealthy merchants, Shiva's childhood was coloured with golden sunlight draping over the perpetual calm of his family's orchard. And as far as he could remember, it was almost never void of the silhouette of the orchard caretaker's trouble-making son, Grimnir.





	1. Chapter 1

Their carriage jolted sharply from one wheel’s collision with a sizeable pebble, forcefully wedging a pause in the middle of the woman's words. 

"...that's why it will do you well to be on your best behaviour." - Michael's voice maintained its firm authority as she tucked a stray lock of hair behind young Shiva's ear. The turbulence failed to even slightly dent her flawless poise. 

"Yes, mother." 

Michael's usual stoic visage relented slightly in a small smile. The slightest sliver of unease nonetheless rendered it somewhat rigid. 

"I know that you would much rather be at your father's side, learning directly from him the ways of trade. But our seasonal lodging at this estate from now on will also play a crucial part in your education. After all, you will ultimately be in charge of the orchard as well one day. The same can be said about social gatherings like this."

Shiva’s brows furrowed slightly in his best effort to mask the full extent of his displeasure at the prospect of such frivolous affairs. If the purpose of these stays was to learn about the orchard, should he not be allowed as much time as possible to remain there, studying? Shiva was already mourning the time doomed to unproductivity

"Am I not too young to be courting anyone?"

"Thirteen is good enough an age to start building connections, at least." - Michael crossed her arms, eyes drifting to the side as if seized by contemplation mid-sentence. - "Would it not be more sound get to know potential candidates now and give yourself time for thoughtful choice, rather than later when only when you've already reached eligible age?"

He couldn't argue with that logic.

"It seems we have arrived. Remember, try to smile."

Shiva gave a smothered chuckle instead - the effect of hearing such advice coming from someone as stone-faced as Michael herself. His mother sighed at the non-effort. 

The ball was held in a garden belonging to the estate of Michael's close friend and business partner, Gabriel. It was not at all as unpleasant as his assumptions had made it out to be. The food was excellent, decor in line with Gabriel’s good taste, guests were civil enough in sparing him too bad a bombardment of inquiries. The mingled fragrance of fresh cut grass and fall blooms was also quite refreshing compared to the scent of dusty, yellowed paper in his family's library. Acting on his best behavior was of little challenge owing to the leisurely atmosphere, but Shiva soon grew weary from being surrounded by grown strangers. His eyes absentmindedly wandered in search of familiar faces. To his relief, they fell on Europa.

"A year has passed since our last meeting, hasn't it? It's good to see you again." 

He greeted her, conduct even more stiff than usual due to how much she seemed to have changed. Europa had grown taller, also discernibly more feminine in the way she carried herself. Like a butterfly liberated from its chrysalis, Europa was abruptly at the edge of womanhood within but a single year. Shiva tried to ignore how she was almost half a head above him now. 

"The pleasure is all mine, lord Shiva. You've been well?"

She curtsied. He swore her smile’s widening upon seeing his face sag into a frown from the 'lord' title was not imagined. So she really took after lady Gabriel in the nasty habit of teasing people. 

“Yes, excellent. You too, I hope?” 

He bowed and kissed the back of her hand before tactfully backing a couple steps away to avoid making his upward gaze at her too apparent.

“Indeed. I do hope you're finding our humble abode to your liking.”

“Yes, it is quite lovely. I can say the same for the arrangements of this get-together. I must thank your mother for her generosity in inviting us.”

With the formalities done and over with just as they had been coached, the two were free to informally catch up as friends. Shiva appreciated Europa’s company, finding it to be quite soothing despite their vast differences in experiences and upbringing. With the habit of making a learning opportunity out of any conversation, he took pleasure in hearing about the management of her own family’s orchard. 

But he found Europa’s speaking of her dreams for the future even more fascinating; the topic seemingly capable of transforming her demeanor drastically. Europa had always yearned to be on one of her mother’s trading ships herself and did little to hide her passion in expressing this desire.

“Oh, what I would give to be allowed but a glimpse of the sea! But father just wouldn't have it. ‘Europa, you have no business being anywhere near such a dangerous place. Europa, just be more mindful of your studies and training to find a good suitor.’ Europa this, Europa that.”

Europa’s pink lips pursed in a most unladylike pout. Her little fists clenched at the fabric of her dress, making her look closer to a spoiled little princess than the image of a graceful noble lady she was trying to emulate but moments ago. Shiva liked her better this way, acting her age and not some eerie mimicry of maturity. 

 

“I can't disagree with your father, however. The sea is indeed a dangerous place.” - Shiva said, recalling stories from his own father of trading ships being ransacked by pirates. - “Without the proper self-defense training, people easily find themselves victimised.”

“Not you too.” - Europa sighed. - “And yet, no one would teach me how to fight, no matter how nicely I ask… “

Shiva still couldn't wrap his head around Europa’s fixation with the ocean. But it had always been so between them: Him being fascinated by the enthusiasm of her wild fancies yet unable to fully comprehend her romantic idealisations of the world. But support of her dreams was something he could provide her without fail.

“I can teach you, if you'd like.”

Europa’s face instantly lit up with joy. 

“Really? Oh, thank you, thank you!” - She exclaimed, fondly seizing one of his hands in gratitude. - “You know. I really wouldn't mind being married to you. At least it would be to someone who is supportive…”

Sudden motion gripped the hedge right beside them while not a single breeze could be felt. The hedge’s unnatural, unprompted rustling soon entailed a cry of protest. 

“Oh that's lame, lady Europa! You don't need some schmuck’s help to- Ow, ow, ow!”

Shiva's reflexes left no time for the eavesdropper to finish his sentence. One fell swoop was all it took to have him yanked out from behind the hedge and pinned to the ground, cheek-first. It seemed he had utilised excessive force, however: The intrusive little mouse was but a scrawny boy, evidently younger than himself and harmless in his complete lack of combative capabilities. 

“Ouch! Please don’t hurt me… I mean… Unhand me, you fiend!”

_What an interesting… creature_. Shiva thought, twisting one of the boy’s arms slightly further behind his back in an attempt to stop his flailing. He watched with unbridled fascination as his captive’s free hand curled into a fist and began to beat the ground incessantly. 

“Ack! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“Grimnir?”

Europa covered her mouth with both hands, having somewhat overcome the initial shock.

“Grimnir?”

A familiar, adult voice echoed her astonishment. Shiva immediately recognised it to be that of Gabriel’s resident gardener, Raphael. Typical of his conduct, he had approached them from seemingly nowhere, pruning shears and a bucket full of wilted flowers in hand.

“Dad?” - Grimnir turned to Raphael’s direction with tears in his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

“...And this variety is the Hidden Rose, named so for its vibrant pink flesh. It is also the last to be indexed in this catalogue.”

“Thank you, Raphael. I apologise for taking so much time after pulling you out in the middle of work. I never thought the catalogue would be mixed up so badly.”

Michael sank into her armchair, letting out a sigh of relief. Raphael nodded respectfully as he gathered up the reorganised papers on her desk, being careful so as not to allow traces of fresh soil on his fingers stain the pages. 

“The pleasure is all mine. Lady Gabriel did instruct me to assist you outside of caring for the orchard.” 

“Truly, Gabriel is too kind. She had already sent over more new varieties than we could ever hope to reciprocate.” 

Michael smiled, recalling Gabriel’s natural penchant for seeking out the exotic as she refilled Raphael’s cup with more fragrant bergamot tea. 

“I hope your absence isn’t too much of an impediment on the operation of Gabriel’s orchard, and that you will find yourself at home in this estate before long. Don’t hesitate to inform me of anything you might need.”

“Understood.” - Raphael nodded once more, bringing the steaming cup to his lips. 

Peaceful silence had barely settled over them both before Michael abruptly sat upright in her seat, eyes widening slightly as if reminded of something important.

“On the topic of accommodation, I assume little Grimnir is adjusting well?”  


“Definitely. He’s having a blast exploring the unfamiliar terrains of your estate.”

“That’s good to hear. Though I can’t help but feel a little uneasy that he might have found himself lost... Especially since I haven’t seen him all day.”

Michael’s eyes narrowed slightly at Raphael, her fingers tracing the grains on the polished rosewood surface of her desk. Such effort at being subtle might have proven too effective, as it took two more sips of tea and a few impatient taps of Michael’s fingers for realisation to dawn on him.

“Oh.”

\---

Shiva raised an eyebrow at the poorly camouflaged pitfall in the middle of his path. Such a thing’s presence within an orchard was theoretically unsurprising, but the sloppy manner in which this one had been dug (small dunes of soil still scattered about) and covered with burlap was definitely out of the ordinary. Even more telling of the pit’s nature was the fact that its creator had even more poorly concealed himself, sitting in wait within the vicinity.

“Don’t you get tired of these sorry attempts at an ambush?”

Shiva’s sharp glare abruptly thrown his way startled Grimnir, earning from him a frightened “eek”. The boy’s sudden jerk sent him tumbling down from an apple tree’s upper branches. He fortunately landed on a sizeable pile of raked leaves which cushioned his fall. Grimnir scrambled to his feet, fingers clumsily combing out dead leaves caught in his silver locks.

“Aw! How did you know were I was, again!? I mean…” 

The younger boy cleared his throat, striking what in his mind must have been a dramatic pose. Shiva just thought he couldn’t look sillier.

“Ahem. Well done, o’ worthy adversary! You have evaded my trap. But do not mistake this as victory, for my thirst for vengeance remains unquenched… Ow ow ow!”

Grimnir’s speech was interrupted by Shiva’s rather merciless pinching of his cheek. 

“Is damaging your employers’ property what you usually do on your first day of the job?”

It was genuinely difficult for Shiva to hide his amusement at the worm-like manner in which Grimnir squirmed in his hold, but he managed. One foot kicked away the burlap covering the pit. Smothered laughter bubbled out from Shiva’s throat as he bore witness to the crater’s measly depth.

“Really. This is the best you could do?”

He could pull himself out within a heartbeat had he been foolish enough to fall for such a pathetic trap. 

“Nuh-uh! Don’t underestimate me! I could’ve totally made it deeper if I wanted. It’s just…”

Grimnir’s voice suddenly tapered into a whisper, his hands beginning to fidget restlessly.

“...Just.” - Shiva squinted.

“If I had dug any deeper you would’ve gotten hurt falling in, okay!?”

The older boy felt a sudden overwhelming urge to grab Grimnir’s other cheek and pinch it hard, if only just to watch that blush on him darken. He had never struggled to maintain composure so much in his life. Grimnir’s presence just seemed to have the insidious effect of drastically diminishing Shiva’s self-control. He could have spent the rest of the day bullying the kid, had it not been for his commitment to productivity.

“I see that Raphael has failed to keep an eye on his own son. This act of vandalism is thus indirectly a result of his irresponsibility. I will have mother see to it that just punishment be served on his part.”

The change in colour of Grimnir’s face was fascinating in how it mimicked that of a tomato ripening backwards: from bright red to green in horror. His jaw dropped open at Shiva’s threat.

“No! Please, don’t involve my dad! This was all my fault. I’m sorry, young master Shiva!”

“Shiva.”

“Sh… Your name sounds weird without the title.”

Shiva scowled. Grimnir instinctively shrank where he stood.

“Shiva… Hey, I really am sorry. I’ll do anything! Just please, please let my dad keep his job!”

Shiva had no intention of sacking Raphael, nor did he even remotely possess the power to do so. But he had found great entertainment in letting Grimnir believe otherwise. He purposefully fell silent, frigid apathy maintained perfectly on his face as he waited until the other boy seemed ready to burst into tears.

“Anything?”

“Anything!”

Grimnir looked ready to hack off a limb for Raphael to keep his job: despondent yet brimming with determination. Shiva brought a hand to his mouth to conceal a smirk.

“Alright. You’re getting a time-out, then.”

“Huh?”

“Get in there and think about what you’ve done.”

“...Okay.”

Grimnir sadly slid down into the pit, then hugged his knees close to his chest in a show of complete obedience. 

“Are you repenting?” - Laughter threatened to puncture the serious tone of Shiva’s voice.

“Yessir. I’m repenting.”

“Good. Now stay there.”

Shiva was certain Grimnir could easily free himself, or that Raphael would soon come to fetch the boy, whichever happened first. But he had sorely underestimated the full extent of their new caretaker’s propensity for negligence, as well as Grimnir’s foolishness. Because some hours later when Shiva retraced the same path back to his room from a fencing lesson, Grimnir could be heard reenacting an entire epic drama from within the pit, going back and forth between all the roles by himself. Shiva sat down just far enough away from the crater’s edge to conceal himself yet still allowed him to hear every word.

“Don’t weep for me, milady. For a knight is born a creature of chivalry and perishes in valour, thus is the fate allotted to our kind. And no greater honour can compare to dying for your sake.”

“What a fool you are! How can you dry these tears by bringing to life my worst nightmare? Had you truly loved me, you would have chosen to live on by my side…”

The sudden pause almost prompted Shiva to inch closer and steal a precarious glimpse at Grimnir. Thankfully, the younger boy raised his voice again just in time before he could blow his cover, having switched from reciting lines to thinking out loud.

“Man, it’s really not the same without lady Europa playing the Countess.”

Grimnir gave a stale chuckle as loneliness settled like sediment in his stomach. He had tried to hide it from Raphael, but being by himself for so long left Grimnir vulnerable to his own anxieties. He missed the familiarity of Gabriel’s orchard, missed Europa’s company. She had always been a good playmate, a great listener, and a superb patissiere. Memories of the pastries she crafted made his mouth water and his stomach rumble loudly. Loud enough even for Shiva’s ears. 

“Oh yeah, haven’t eaten since morning. But I can’t just leave to get food… What if dad loses his job for it.”

Shiva felt awashed with sudden guilt. But pride prevented him from just pulling Grimnir out and bringing him into the kitchen for an early meal. Thankfully, the orchard provided him with an alternative for repentance. It came in the form of out-of-season, beautifully ripe honeycrisps hanging from a tree nearby: smooth red skin shimmering in the glow of dusk and taut over juicy, flavourful flesh. He plucked off a couple and rolled them into the pit, hoping Grimnir would remember he was allowed to partake in the orchard’s fruits so long as they had fallen off trees on their own. Soon enough, he was rewarded with the crunch of Grimnir’s biting into an apple. 

“So good… Thanks, mister tree!”

Shiva wondered if the boy was still impulsively thinking out loud or genuinely believed the tree could perceive his expression of gratitude. Both seemed equally likely. There was never a dull moment with Grimnir, even the act of listening to him eat (while making appreciative little noises that Michael would cringe at as poor table manners) was somehow entertaining to Shiva. He ended up crouching by the pit until Grimnir had finished his meal and promptly fell asleep, probably exhausted from his own shenanigans. 

“What a disgrace, allowing yourself to be this defenseless.”

Shiva quietly scolded the sleeping Grimnir, but not a trace of scorn was in his voice.

\---

“Thank goodness, you found Grimnir.”

Michael exclaimed in a whisper so as not to wake Grimnir, who was peacefully dozing away on Shiva’s back, cheek pressed against his shoulder and drooling over his shirt. Both boys were covered in dirt. Grimnir had slept like a log and Shiva underestimated the struggle that was lifting an unresponsive, uncooperative body out of a pit. Michael sighed, bringing a handkerchief to Shiva’s cheek in a futile attempt at wiping off some of the soil smeared on his face.

“Young master Shiva!” 

Raphael called out as he made his way over from another corner of the garden, volume entirely unadjusted in his typical lack of mindfulness. Fortunately, Grimnir was sleeping too deeply to be bothered. 

“You have my gratitude for taking care of him. I hope my son didn’t cause you too much trouble.”

The permanent monotony of Raphael’s voice did little to indicate how truly worried he had been, but both Michael and Shiva knew better. 

“Not at all. He was a little lost but in the end, we had fun.” 

Shiva shook his head, carefully giving Grimnir over to be placed comfortably in Raphael’s arms. 

“He had a little too much fun. Just be sure to keep a better eye on him next time.” - He gave the caretaker a rare, imploring look. - “Please.”

“Understood. Have a good night.”

Raphael bowed, thanking Michael for helping him in the search for Grimnir before taking his leave. Shiva stood and watched as the pair headed for their cottage, certain that he heard Grimnir mumbling about apples and knights in his sleep before their figures melted indistinctly into the night.


	3. Chapter 3

Raphael dabbed the sweat from his brow as he admired his handiwork: new seedlings planted neatly in a row stretching as far as the eye could see. The sun was already a rosy golden orb in the sky, setting alight embers within low-hanging clouds. The seedlings’ shadows streaked across the ground, testifying to his day of hard work. It was a good start to this year’s planting season.

“Dad! Dad!”

His son’s silence-piercing cry sucker punched Raphael out of his momentary trance. He looked around aimlessly in search of the boy, but found him nowhere in sight. Shrugging, Raphael reckoned he must’ve been dazed from exhaustion to the point of hearing things.

“Daaaaaaaad!!”

 _That_ was no auditory hallucination. The shout was also just loud enough for Raphael to trace its source this time. He looked up.

“Hi dad!!” - Grimnir waved enthusiastically with his entire arm from a tree’s branch, beaming so wide his face practically glowed with energy through the fine layer of smeared dirt.

“Hello, Grimnir.” - Raphael waved back with a fraction of his son’s fervour.

“Look, look! Daddy look what I’ve got!” 

Raphael shuffled into position, arms held out just in case Grimnir decided to dive off the tree branch underneath him. Even after having anticipated the worst, he did not expect what came slithering out from one of the boy’s sleeves - a milk-white tree snake. The creature’s beady red eyes twinkled at him with curiosity, glassy like tiny cut rubies. 

Recognising it to not have been of the venomous kind, Raphael’s shoulders fell in relief.

“Yes, quite the rare find. Good job.”

“Can we keep him?? Please please please!”

“An albino tree snake is a lot of responsibility, Grimnir.”

“Pleeeeaaaaseee!”

Raphael sighed. He was not in the mood to argue with Grimnir. They were already housing a dozen other critters his son had brought home at the back of their cottage. But without the ability to blend in with the foliage, the snake would surely meet a grisly fate at the talons of some bird of prey, and he knew Grimnir was book-smart enough of a child to use that argument against him eventually. Just as Raphael was about to despair, he was struck with an idea for a change in topic - one he was confident would be enough to distract Grimnir momentarily, at least.

“Say, today is the first day of planting season, isn’t it?”

Grimnir blinked once, then twice. Then his cheeks grew flushed with excitement.

“Young master Shiva!”

“That’s right. How about going to greet him now? You were talking about his arrival all week and ye-!”

Raphael almost toppled backwards when Grimnir leaped into his arms from the treetop, snake cradled close to his chest. He had hardly regained his balance when the boy’s feet already found themselves on solid ground, kicking it hard as he sprinted for the mansion.

“Be home before it’s too dark!”

“Aye aye!” - Grimnir’s shouted reply trailed behind him.

\---

Shiva breathed a sigh through his nose, eyes listlessly tracing lines on the blackboard as his mind failed to register almost every single one. The governess’ preaching had long flatlined into monotonous white noise to his ears. It was unlike Shiva to be so unfocused, but having to immediately begin lessons the very next day of his arrival at the estate was frankly inhumane. Even he had a threshold of endurance. The restless night of sleep following an entire day spent in the stuffy confines of a carriage only added to his fatigue. Shiva absentmindedly wished he were one of the swings outside the study, swaying in the wind’s transparent cradle under a warm blanket of sunlight. 

Shiva found the swings so captivating he nearly missed the pair of mismatched eyes staring up at him from right under the window. Occupying the same face was a huge, mischievous grin. Startled, his knee jerked and collided with the table’s underside painfully.

“Young master Shiva?” - The governess halted her writing to turn to him with a look of concern.

“It’s nothing. I just dropped something.” - He lied, doing his best to avoid side-eyeing the mop of silver hair peeking out above the windowsill.

“...I see. We’ll move on to Asian geography now, so please take out your corresponding textbook.”

Shiva rummaged through his satchel as he deliberately ignored Grimnir’s wide-eyed imitation of a dejected puppy. Sure, he had wished for relaxation, but skipping class to play had no part in his agenda. Finding his book replaced with a potato, however, brought the daily schedule’s proceeding to a screeching halt. ‘Letter of challenge: Meet me in the orangery’ - it read in crudely carved characters.

“Ma’am?”

“Yes?”

“I apologise, but I seem to have misplaced my textbook. Would you mind if I went to retrieve it?”

He was certain she would mind but ventured the question regardless, knowing the shackles of civility would deny her the ability to refuse. Just as expected, the governess returned his request with a smile of warmthless geniality.

“Certainly not.”

\---

Shiva really wasn’t lying about his intention to retrieve his textbook. Trying to extinguish that budding excitement at a legitimate excuse for a break, his rational mind insisted that he would make an immediate return. Perhaps some disciplining of the little thief responsible would also be in order. After all, it was Grimnir who had issued a “letter of challenge” of sort, implying he wanted to fight. Shiva was always prepared for a fight.

But he arrived at the orangery to find it void of human presence. Shiva had assumed Grimnir would be waiting for him at the table and chair set in the structure’s middle clearing. Instead, the seats were occupied only by sleepy sunspots. Shiva sat down and closed his eyes, letting tranquility wash over him, rinse fatigue away from his muscles. Then he heard it - soft yet cheerful humming drifting over from behind some foliage. He stood up and tiptoed closer to its source. There Grimnir was, pruning worm-eaten leaves off some lemon seedlings amidst the greenery, blissfully unaware of the other boy’s presence. 

Shiva was loath to interrupt him. There was something different about the little trickster he had known for seasons; something that halted his steps, took his breath away and commanded his complete attention. As the son and apprentice of their orchard’s caretaker, the boy seemed completely within his element surrounded by plantlife. Sunlight poured in through the glazed roof, filtered by leaf lattices to camouflage his perpetually soil-stained skin with speckles of gold. The rest of him was painted an earthy copper by shadows. Grimnir looked almost ethereal, _beautiful_ \- like the forest spirits within the storybooks of Shiva’s childhood. 

Shiva’s ribcage felt too tight for his suddenly restless heart, breath caught in his throat. There was a compulsion to reach out and trap that living sunspot before his eyes; his skin already tingling from the warmth of its perpetual glow. But just as strong was the fear that startling Grimnir would cause his delicate form to disintegrate, scattering into the wind to reenter some invisible realm of the natural world from whence unearthly being of his kind came. And yet...

Shiva’s agitated shuffling eventually did startle Grimnir, snapping them both out of their respective trances. The older boy let out a stifled breath he had been subconsciously holding back, relieved to find Grimnir’s form still in one piece before him.

“M-master Shiva!! You’re here!” - Grimnir stuttered.

Shiva raised an eyebrow rather exaggeratedly in an effort to quickly regain his usual composure.

“Of course I’m here. You were the one who summoned me?”

“Oh, right.” - Grimnir gave an awkward laugh, compulsively twisting a silver lock around his finger. Shiva sighed.

“So, finally ready to get your ass handed to you?”

“Huh?”

Shiva groaned in frustration at the dumbfounded look on Grimnir’s face. He pulled the potato out of his pocket to toss it at the younger boy’s feet.

“Your ‘letter of challenge’? I thought you wanted to fight.”

Grimnir panicked, arms flailing comically in denial.

“N-not at all! You’d totally destroy me in seconds! I just wanted to see you that’s all. Since work ended too late and I couldn’t greet you properly… Plus I’m not that stupid okay. We might hurt the plants or break a glass pane fighting in here.” 

Grimnir might not have been _that_ stupid, but he was positively socially clueless enough to title an ordinary invitation ‘letter of challenge’. Shiva massaged one temple, less exasperated at Grimnir than himself for finding this idiocy _cute_.

“Fine then, here I am. Commence with this ‘proper greeting’ of yours.”

“Uh… Welcome back… I mean… We meet again, worthy adversary!”

Shiva was glad to see Grimnir already back to his usual campy self. What surprised him, though, was the hand extended towards him - Grimnir’s attempt at a handshake that normal people of civility would consider a ‘proper greeting’, perhaps. 

The hand was grasped and shaken almost too eagerly. _Warm. A little bony. The palm somewhat rough from manual labour_. Shiva subconsciously made a mental map of the callouses on the younger boy’s hand against his skin; praying his enthusiasm did not make itself known. The urge to pull the little sunspot completely into his arms, to revel in how it pulsated with light and life, was overwhelming.

“Oh! There’s someone I wanted you to meet, too!”

The mentioning of _someone_ made Shiva frown. He was under the impression their meeting would be a private one. But to his surprise, beady red eyes peeked out from the other boy’s collar.

“Come on, don’t be shy.” 

Grimnir pulled the white snake out completely and let it coil around his arm. The little thing laid perched there quite comfortably, gradually creeping towards Shiva until its snout and his nose were mere inches apart. Its forked tongue flicked at his skin.

“Aww! He likes you.”

Shiva didn’t quite know how to react to being fancied by a snake. He reached out a hand, intending to pet its head. The snake instead took the action as a cue to slither onto his arm. It startled him a little, but Shiva did not find it unpleasant.

“What’s this little one’s name?”

“Uhh… I don’t know, haven’t come up with one.” - Grimnir scratched his cheek. - “Oh yeah! Since he likes you so much, and dad isn’t too enthusiastic about raising him, why don’t you keep him instead? Maybe give him a name, too?”

“...So this is like a welcome gift from you, then.”

“I guess.”

Shiva paused in contemplation. Then a sly grin broke across his countenance.

“I’m calling it ‘Grimnir’.”

“...Huh?” - The younger boy stared wide-eyed, doubting his own ears.

“‘Grimnir’. That’s his name now.”

“You can’t do that!”

“Yes I can, you gave him to me.”

Grimnir’s face once again mimicked the appearance of a ripening tomato - cheeks slightly puffed out and painted with a deep blush. Shiva liked to believe he was the only one capable of coaxing that expression out of him.

“Fine…”  
Grimnir mumbled in defeat. Shiva’s free hand dug into his silky hair and gave it a forceful ruffling. It seemed to work in stripping the sullenness from his face.

“I almost forgot, here’s your book back. Sorry for taking it.”

The stolen book was dragged out from behind a pot of seedling, then pressed into Shiva’s hand. 

“I guess you’d better go back to class now, before that governess lady gets reeeaally mad. I’ve seen her acting pretty scary.”

Shiva’s heels remained dug firmly in place, Grimnir’s words having caused an inexplicable void to open up in his stomach. 

“...So that’s it? You went through all that trouble just to say ‘hi’”?

Such efforts weren’t at all atypical of Grimnir. _But still…_ He was expecting at least an invitation to skip classes for the rest of the day.

“Uh… Yeah!”

“I can’t exactly go back with a snake.” - Shiva was grasping at straws for excuses to stay. His initial objective to immediately return had long been wiped from his mind.

“It’s alright. I can keep him for you temporarily till lessons are done… Whenever that i-”

Grimnir jumped a little at Shiva’s frustrated groan, then almost jumped out of his skin when the older boy’s hand grabbed his wrist. The book had fallen to the ground, promptly abandoned. His feet could hardly keep up with Shiva’s longer strides as he was dragged out of the orangery.

“Young mas… Shiva! Where are we going? What about your lessons!?”

“I don’t feel like studying anymore.”

“Is this my fault?”

“Yes, and you’ll pay with a day’s worth of productivity for it. We’re going to the market.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the first two chapters, Shiva is 13 and Grimnir about a year or two younger. For this one, some seasons had passed since then so they're roughly 14-16. Eventually they'll reach adulthood.


	4. Chapter 4

“You just went ahead and said it, huh. As expected of Lord Shiva.” - Europa’s eyes widened as a hand was brought to her bottom lip, slightly scandalised.

“And is there anything wrong with that?” - Shiva’s eyes narrowed almost defiantly. He knew it was irrational to be defensive, and that whatever her response may be didn’t matter. But he still couldn’t help himself and was punished with a sharp pang of self-loathing in his guts for it. 

“Not at all! It’s just that when people talk to me about these sorts of things, they usually beat around the bush forever.” - Europa gave a dainty chuckle. - “Supposed accounts of lovestruck ‘acquaintances’ seeking advice via proxy, unnecessary euphemisms, you know. But that’s what I like about you, always straight to the point.”

“...I’m flattered. So, what do you suggest?”

Europa sighed a little with regret at the untouched cup of tea in front of Shiva. It was a waste to let good tea cool to unpalatable temperatures, but she knew he was currently too single-minded to care.

“Well, Grimnir is a good boy, but he can be a bit… slow.” - She said, a fingertip lazily slid over the gold rim of her cup. - “I’m sure he’s fond of you. But while he is childishly affectionate, I don’t think Grimnir is in the habit of studying his own feelings. That child isn’t much for introspection, you see.”

Shiva could testify to that fact. Grimnir was always eager to please, ecstatic to be around him. But it always ended at that - attempts at trying to simply obtain Shiva’s attention that ultimately went nowhere. It frustrated him greatly, as if their communication at times being inexplicably reliant on the use of produce wasn’t confusing enough. 

“Your point being?”

“It will take time, but I feel like what he wants right now is to simply spend time with you. Knowing that child, he would crave to be around his role model as much as possible, even without any particular objective in mind.”

It sounded about right, except Shiva didn’t exactly feel like playing the part of just another role model for Grimnir. As an avid bookworm, the boy had already accumulated a long enough list of fictional heroes he idolised. 

“So in his eyes, I’m no different from, say, Raphael?”

“For now, yes, that might be the case.”

Europa tapped a cheek with one finger as if she wasn’t quite sure of her own words. Shiva frowned deeply.

“Alas, I am but an outsider to the situation and can’t exactly offer a perfectly objective prognosis… After all, I haven’t even met Grimnir in years.” 

Europa suddenly sounded distant, melancholy hanging from her last syllables. But before Shiva could offer any words of consolation, delicate gloved hands clapped together as if signaling the abrupt return of her ever-serene smile. 

“Well, I suggest being patient and doing just what Grimnir wants for the time being. Spend time with him, as much as you can afford to… Make him happy.” 

Shiva caught the slight quiver in Europa’s voice and looked up from his cold tea to meet imploring eyes - a look that evidently spelled a voiceless _‘please’_. 

It seemed Grimnir was not the only one suffering from loneliness after his departure from Gabriel’s estate. From what Shiva had heard, despite differences in social standing, their relationship was akin to that of tight-knit siblings. Europa’s earnest wish for Grimnir’s happiness was heartwarming, but also sowed within him a confusing mixture of guilt and responsibility. This heart-to-heart with a close friend turned out to feel awfully like a trial by conservation with a future in-law.

“Alright. And how long do you think I should continue doing that? Until…” 

Until _what?_ Until either of them proposed? Until this stubborn lump of pride in his chest finally disintegrated to allow him words of affection? Or until Grimnir’s awkward, dumb little face slowly but gradually chipped enough hairline cracks into his dam of self-restraint till it burst open? Either way, Shiva failed to see any way out that did not entail some degree of humiliation on his part. Fine then, he could play this game. He would make Grimnir so happy the stupid brat would _have_ to propose first, _then_ they could wallow in glorious mutual humiliation together. Shiva was already quietly fired up to make that goal a reality. 

Europa giggled before he even finished his hanging sentence as if she could read his mind (he wouldn’t be surprised if she really could). 

“Great to know you’re determined. I’m sure Grimnir is in good hands.”

“I’ll do my best.” 

There was no mistake, this _definitely_ was a talk with a future in-law. Amused at his own situation, Shiva sharply exhaled a chuckle. 

“Say, Europa. Will you by any chance be attending the market fair in…”

“Oh, definitely! I’m looking forward to it!” - Europa uncharacteristically cut Shiva off in her untamed enthusiasm. - “It is always worth the long carriage ride. Which reminds me, this is the first year you spend at Lady Michael’s orchard estate when it happens, isn’t it? Are you coming?”

“For sure.” - Shiva’s lips stretched into a thin, calculative smile.

\---

Harvest season dust fine gold over the orchard from ground to treetop, rendering the place nothing short of breathtaking. Woven basket in hand, Shiva made his way down a leaf-carpeted aisle between two long rows of fruit-laden tree, eyes sweeping the landscape in search of Grimnir. Even at noon, the air remained pleasantly crisp, filling his lungs with the musky sweet aroma of ripened apples. Had it not been for the large number of seasonal workers bustling about, Shiva would have very much preferred fall visits over spring ones. The crowd always made the flighty figure of Grimnir significantly harder to locate. That day in particular, it seemed to be missing altogether.

“Excuse me, you wouldn’t happen to know where the head caretaker’s son is?” - Shiva asked a middle-aged woman gathering up fallen apples from the ground. 

She hastily dust off her hand on her apron and curtsied in greeting.

“Good afternoon, young master. If I remember correctly, that boy was headed for the tool shed about an hour ago to fetch some more baskets…” 

The woman whipped her head around to where Grimnir had presumably been working before his departure. Her eyes narrowed at the sight of a full but forsaken basket, its master nowhere in sight.

“...I sure hope he hasn’t pranced off to amuse himself somewhere, again. Since you are on his way to look for him anyway, would you mind heading over to tool shed to see if he is there?”

“Certainly. Thank you for the pointer.”

Shiva took off after a quick nod.

Contrary to the harvesting area, the one around the tool shed was markedly void of human presence. Grimnir’s location wasn’t immediately apparent, but little noises of distress soon gave him away. They were coming from between one of the outside walls of the shed and a tall, bulky-looking stack of crates. Shiva was certain it was Grimnir making those noises. They didn’t seem pained, but still sounded like echoes out of the pit of soul crushing despair. 

Shiva sighed through his nose, setting the basket down next to his feet before taking to moving the crates. The sudden motion startled Grimnir, who had been stuck for a good hour and was feeling quite dazed.

“Eep! I mean… Ahem… Who goes there!? Harbinger of some malignant dark force out to slay me when I’m at my most vulnerable? Was this your trap!? Answer me!!”

Shiva didn’t answer, focusing squarely on his task. 

The crates slowly shuffled away from the wall, allowing more room for Grimnir’s lungs to expand and suck in much needed breaths. He was still hopelessly stuck and in no position to free himself yet, however.

“If you are a foe, just kill me now. Put me out of my misery and humiliation. You have triumphed, o’ cursed, fiendish one! If a friend, just leave me be. I’m already beyond salvaging. Let me perish in valour rather than meet an unseemly, desperate end-”

Grimnir was perhaps a bit too forcefully plucked out of the crevice by his wrist. The momentum after being freed caused him to practically fly into Shiva, sending them both to the ground and knocking the basket over. While Grimnir’s eyes were clenched shut as his cheek laid pressed against Shiva’s broad chest, he could immediately tell it was him. Perhaps it was Shiva’s constantly higher than average body temperature, or the slightly sugary scent of old paper mingled with the smell of the sea woven into his clothings’ fabric. Grimnir didn’t know when he had picked up such cues, but neither had he any plans of dwelling on it.

“...Shiva?”

Shiva let out a humph for a greeting, fingers still (rather protectively) encircling Grimnir’s wrist. As luck would have it, Grimnir wasn’t in any hurry to get up himself. He even buried his face into Shiva’s shoulder, muffling his own voice.

“You saved my life! Seriously, I totally thought I would die there! I saw the tail of another tree snake sticking out between the tool shed’s wall and these crates and thought I could get Grimnir junior a friend. But when I finally managed to get in there she scurried away! And I found myself stuck… Thank god you came, though! You’re a real hero! You’re awesome, Shiva!”

For some odd reason, Grimnir was much more vocal than usual. The fact that he was practically clinging to the older’s torso was also suspicious. Shiva pushed him away by the shoulders with moderate force, being careful not to hurt him as he was uncertain if Grimnir had acquired any injuries from being stuck in that crevice for so long. Met with glassy, reddened eyes, Shiva’s heart sank to his stomach.

“Grimnir… Were you crying?”

“...Eh? N-n-n-no! Of course not!” - Grimnir stuttered, palms hurriedly rubbing his eyes as if to erase any remaining traces of tears. It only made his eyes redder and even more swollen. Truly, a _horrendous_ liar. - “I didn’t panic or anything! That would’ve been so uncool.”

But Grimnir did panic. Refusing to get off Shiva even now was directly a result of that traumatic distress. Shiva was warm, solid, _strong_ \- a steady anchor to life that he was unwilling to part with. For the first time, Grimnir was thankful instead of resentful of Shiva's growth spurt that had been responsible for stretching the height gap between them by an entire head. 

“Fine, you didn't. Now get off me, unless you don't want these.”

Shiva turned his head over to the small jars that had come spilling out of his basket. Grimnir followed his gaze.

“Pudding!?”

“Yes, with strawberry preserve.” _Your favourite_. Shiva left the last part of his sentence unsaid. 

“Oh wow! Thanks! You really are the best.” 

Grimnir quickly got back up on his knees to grab a jar. Shiva watched with great interest as he popped open its cap. The contents were a little crushed, but Grimnir consumed the pudding with unadulterated bliss regardless, all traces of distress on his face having melted into oblivion. It made the trouble of sneaking them out of lunch wholly worthwhile for Shiva. He suddenly wondered if what he currently felt was anything like the experience of being owner to a ravenous hamster. 

With Grimnir now relaxed and content after being fed, Shiva felt it appropriate to offer his invitation.

“You’re coming with me to the market fair in Shepford tomorrow.”

Well, less an invitation and more of an order, then. Shiva could bang his head against the crates next to them. _That was smooth._

Grimnir blinked in confusion at first, then his whole countenance brightened upon hearing the town’s name. Practically vibrating with excitement where he sat, Grimnir made the handkerchief Shiva brought to his face to wipe off the bits of preserve around his mouth nearly miss its target. With mild irritation, Shiva held him still by the cheeks with one hand, but even that failed to curb Grimnir’s enthusiasm in the slightest.

“Really?? Ooooh I haven’t been there since I was a kid! But… it’s harvest season, there’s still a ton of work to do and dad comes back from his business trip tomorrow and…”

“That won’t be a problem. It’s already been arranged.”

“...Really?”

“Are you doubting me?”

“No, sir! Not at all.” 

Grimnir really wasn’t doubting Shiva, but he wasn’t exactly eager for another good earful of scolding for impeding the young master’s obligations and supposedly coercing him into bailing classes like that one time. 

More importantly, he didn’t want to get Shiva into trouble again. Sensing his uneasiness, Shiva put a hand on Grimnir’s head to lightly hair-ruffle the tension out of him. The already-disheveled silver mop frizzled up to imitate the appearance of a bird’s nest.

“Don’t worry, I got proper permission this time. Just be ready.”

Relieved, Grimnir gleefully nodded, the smile on his face radiating enough warmth to melt glaciers.


	5. Chapter 5

Shiva arrived early in the morning before Raphael’s cottage, pacing about restlessly in his best tailcoat. A full set of his mother’s best horses and one of their more flamboyant carriages stood at his back. Plus a thoroughly confused coachman, who had not once stopped wondering since their departure from the mansion whom they could possibly be picking up heading for the gardener’s cottage, but was too intimidated to venture an enquiry. 

This was stupid. He felt stupid. Shiva had never escorted anyone with this degree of ostentatious preparation before. Michael could have, and very well should have, stopped him. She had known this was no socialite’s ball, that he was bringing _Grimnir_ to a less than refined _street fair_ , for God’s sake. Now they would undoubtedly stick out from the crowd like walking sorethumbs. The worst thing was that Shiva was well aware he had allowed his anxieties to take the reign, while Michael herself had only fanned the flames with her inexplicable enthusiasm. Perhaps it was not too late to just get in the carriage and turn around…

“Young master Shiva, you’re early. Why didn’t you knock?”

 _Too late_. Raphael had spotted him simmering in apprehension outside his window and decided to open the door before he could knock. 

“Since I was early to begin with, I saw no reason to disturb you all before the appointed time?”

Owing to his facial muscles’ distinct lack of the ability to emote, Shiva couldn’t tell if Raphael was impressed or convinced by his blatant lie. Well, it didn’t matter, so long as he kept up the cool act, grabbed Grimnir and got on the carriage as soon as possible.

“You should’ve knocked. He’s been ready for hours-”

“Dad! I messed up the scarf again how do I… Shiva!” 

Raphael was interrupted by Grimnir poking his head out of their bedroom, who, in turn, cut himself off upon noticing his companion for the day. Shiva and Raphael sighed in unison.

“Maybe not. You’re right. Should’ve waited a bit longer.”

Grimnir forced an uneasy laugh as he took ginger steps out into full view. The cream-coloured waistcoat and simple woolen pants fit him stunningly. Had the silk scarf on his neck been tied and tucked in right, one could easily mistake Grimnir for a proper young gentleman. Shiva stood slightly awestruck, if not by merely how _different_ Grimnir appeared from his usual raggedy self.

“I-I am ready! It’s just the scarf that’s…” - Grimnir’s gaze fell on the rest of Shiva, cutting short his stammering a second time. - “Wow, you’re killing it.”

“You think so?” - Shiva’s lips curved into a smile. Maybe overdressing wasn’t such a terrible idea after all.

“Yeah! All those Shepford ladies are bound to swarm you like ants!” - Grimnir’s eyes sparkled with admiration. 

He had thought wrong. This was a horrendous idea. 

“Well, if you are ready then time to get going.” - Raphael urged, seeing how the both of them weren’t about to snap out of admiring each other anytime soon.

“Right. Off we go, then.”

Shiva led Grimnir outside, Raphael following close behind them. In his haste, he found himself helping Grimnir into the carriage by the hand by force of habit. The realisation that the boy was an adept tree climber and would have found no benefit in his assistance did not dawn on him soon enough. 

“Have a safe trip.” - Raphael bowed at Shiva, a gesture that shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did. After all, the man was still under his family’s employment and would naturally act the part. Perhaps he had expected from Raphael something more akin to what the parents of the young ladies he often escorted to gatherings would say: bring their child home before curfew, for instance. 

“I’ll be sure to keep an eye on him.” 

Raphael raised an eyebrow as if he wasn't convinced Shiva was up to the task of babysitting his son. Shiva deadpanned in return, doing his best to mask any signs of wavering confidence. Awkward silence stretched thin between them.

“Sure you don’t need the leash?”

Shiva had thought Raphael had been joking about the child leash up until that very point, when he realised the thing was dangling from the man’s hip and was about to be handed over to him. Of course he wasn’t joking.

“...Your son is sixteen. I’ll pass.” 

“Suit yourself.” - Raphael shrugged. 

With a tip of his hat, Shiva climbed into the carriage, hoping Grimnir hadn’t strangled himself with his own silk scarf.

\---

Shiva watched in horror as his decision-making failed him yet again in the span of a single morning. Grimnir nimbly weaved through the crowd like a strip of cool air, feet light and bursting with energy. He should’ve accepted that leash just as a precaution. Now Shiva tread the streets in constant fear that a single blink might allow Grimnir to disappear from his sight.

“The éclair stand is still there! Come on Shiva, you’ve _got_ to try this!” 

Grimnir made a sudden stop, turned around and beckoned loudly at his companion to the mild annoyance of around a dozen people in between them. The pitiful folks’ irritation only escalated when Shiva practically bulldozed his way forward to take advantage of the pause in Grimnir’s steps. Once their distance had closed adequately, he finally succeeded in catching an over-enthusiastic Grimnir by the hand. 

“Don't. wander off.” - Shiva glowered, threat dripping from his every word. The effect was immediate as Grimnir froze in an instance, thoroughly intimidated. 

“Yessir!” - He squeaked, before allowing Shiva to lead them both out of the dense crowd to their destination. 

It wasn't at all unpleasant - the feeling of Shiva's large hand firmly clasped against his own, their fingers locked together like two halves of a clam’s shell. Grimnir almost lost himself indulging in the smouldering heat from the other’s palm leaching into his skin, the comfort lulling him into a daze like a powerful tranquiliser. 

Shiva took his sudden silence as consequence of having the cheer spooked out of him a little too forcefully. His insides twist with a pang of guilt.

“Well then, choose whatever you want.” - Shiva said, his tone softened significantly in repentance upon their arrival.

Before them laid a wide assortment of cream-filled pastries neatly arranged in rows under signs that spelled out their flavours. Up close, their fresh-baked aroma, though pleasant, was a borderline assault on one’s olfactory faculty; perhaps purposefully made so in order to stand out from the surrounding competition. Grimnir was immediately taken with the more dubious flavours that he had not seen before, and Shiva with ensuring that the vigour had returned to his face. 

“They still have the classic flavour! You’ll definitely have to try that one, it’s not only rich in flavour but also history… Oh! How about _that_ one? I can’t imagine what they put in there to make it spicy, but since you’re such a big fan of spices, that might be right up your alley-”

Grimnir was about to turn to Shiva, but a dainty pair of hands had reached in front of him from behind to block his vision.

“Guess~ who?” - A familiar, sing-song voice poured into his ear.

Shiva huffed out a laugh at the way Grimnir practically trembled with excitement. Europa mischievously winked at him in place of a greeting from behind the boy.

“Lady Europa!!”

Grimnir’s shout managed to overwhelm nearly every other voice in their vicinity and startle a good handful of people. But Shiva knew better than to scold him this time, especially when Europa’s hands moving away revealed just how close he already was to tears. The two seized each other in what looked like a crushing hug.

“Look at how tall you’ve grown!” - Europa exclaimed as she pulled Grimnir down with her arm around his neck to ruffle his hair. Grimnir was shorter than Shiva, but they both towered over her petite form. 

Grimnir was struggling a little to keep his balance leaning so far forward, but was too busy giggling for any complaints. Shiva quietly smiled to himself at the sight of their joyful reunion. Mission accomplished, it seemed.

“And your beauty now rivals the most exquisite of blossoms, milady.” - Having calmed down from the initial excitement, Grimnir attempted to kiss the back of Europa’s hand, rather clumsily. 

“Thank you, dear. You’re quite dashing yourself.” - She lifted his face by the cheeks and planted an adoring kiss on his forehead, a gesture in which Grimnir seemed to take great childish delight. 

Shiva swatted away an uneasy cloud of envy hanging over his head witnessing the intimacy between them: the sort that barely shied away from making the inherent affection in each gesture known, utterly unhindered by the faintest shadows of hesitation. It was a proximity laden with lengthy history, one he somehow felt to be superior to that shared between Grimnir and himself. One that would enable kisses to be given and taken with such ease. 

Spending time with your two most valued friends shouldn’t have been this complicated. 

As if sensing the apprehension quietly brewing within Shiva, Europa turned to him with a reassuring smile, then back to Grimnir as she rewarded his head with gentle pats.

“Now, I’m thrilled to meet you again, but this wouldn’t have been possible had it not been for Lord Shiva’s intervention. Be sure to thank him properly.”

“Oh… So that’s why you invited me!” 

If suddenly being subjected to the full intensity of Grimnir’s beaming smile made Shiva flinch, getting tackle-hugged shortly after nearly caused his brain to short-circuit. He had never been at the receiving end of such explosive affection, not even from Michael herself. 

“Thank you.”

Grimnir's voice quivered with gratitude. Shiva had to fight the urge to return the hug with such force that it might crush the air out of him. The cloud over his head meekly dispersed, proving to be no match to the shimmering vibrance of the sunspot in his arms. 

As much as he would love for that single moment to persist forever, the stares of curious passersby were growing more palpable by the second. Shiva eventually decided to push Grimnir away, following it up with an attempt to change the subject directed at Europa.

“You’re by yourself, Europa? Where’s the usual entourage?”

Grimnir audibly gasped as Europa only giggled in response.

“Lady Europa, don’t tell me…”

“Yes, I… how did the village girls put it… ditched them?” - She playfully exclaimed, sounding awfully proud of herself for pulling off the deed _and_ being able to make use of the trendy word she had just learned. - “Well, touring the fair with bodyguards on all sides isn’t exactly fun, and it’s really awkward when they keep trying to test the food I buy first for poison. Besides, I do this every year and Lord Shiva has been training me to self-defend, so there’s no need for concern!”

Shiva sighed. Despite her usual display of thoughtful, even motherly maturity, Europa was the same sheltered little princess that craved every chance for excitement she could get. Neither had she ever considered herself above breaking the rules to get a taste of adventure. The bond between her and Grimnir suddenly made complete sense to him.

“Anyway, let’s go have some fun!”

Before they could voice any protests, Europa was dragging both boys by the hand back into the crowd. 

Grimnir was instantly on board with whatever she had in mind, while Shiva absentmindedly wondered what spiced éclairs could have tasted like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in the middle of moving so writing has been a bit slow. I s2g Alexiel will make it into this, even if she keeps eluding me orz


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was under the impression this couldn't get any cheesier than it already was, THINK AGAIN.

Food, entertainment and conversation occupied near the entirety of their day. No amount of crumpets and cotton candy seemed to fill up Europa, while Grimnir would dash towards the nearest attraction that grazed his peripheral vision. All initial hopes of finding a helping hand in keeping Grimnir in check were dashed for Shiva, who ended up the watchful guardian for both of his companions. Not to say that he wasn’t enjoying himself, or course. 

“I haven’t seen that stand before. And they’re selling apples! Perhaps some of their stock is from your place?” 

Europa turned to Shiva, who shook his head.

“Doesn’t seem so. I recognise neither vendour nor the varieties on sale. Was thinking they were acquainted with your mother instead.”

“Hmm… No, unfortunately. They might be a new caravan from somewhere far away” - Europa squinted inquisitively, examining the pearly pink skin of some fruit on display from a distance. - “I’ll have a look. Maybe I can get some insight into these new varieties that would be useful to mother.”

She immediately took off. Perhaps with a little too much haste, as Europa crashed into a raggedy-looking festival-goer after merely a handful of steps and fell. Her ‘victim’ barely budged, only the drink in his hand spilled onto one of his boots. That was apparently adequate reason for him to start making a scene.

“Watch where yer goin’, lassie!” - He crouched down halfway just to roar at her. Europa grimaced at the blast of alcoholic stench surging up her nose. 

“I’m terribly sorry! I can get you another drink, or any other that you would want as compensation. I beg your forgiveness.” - She did her best to maintain composure while still on the ground. The feeling that a sincere apology would do little in quelling the man’s anger loomed over her regardless.

She was right. A hand shot out and latch onto her wrist, squeezing it almost painfully. Europa bit back a cry.

“Such generosity. But are you sure a little lady like yourself should be so quick to buy strangers drinks? How about we spend some time getting to know each other first?”

Europa no longer saw any point in trying to be civil. With a practiced turn of her wrist, she managed to wring her own arm out of her assailant’s grip while twisting his back enough to earn from him a pitiful yelp. Taking the opportunity, Europa got to her feet and put some distance in between them.  
With the correct technique, it wasn’t difficult to free herself from an unsuspecting captor, but taking on a male twice her size in a head-on fight was still out of the question.

“I’m sorry! But if you won’t take my offer for compensation then I’m afraid…”

“Little bitch!!”

The ruffian lunged towards Europa in his outrage. But before he could get anywhere close to her, his face was met with the full force of Shiva’s fist. He flew back a few good paces further than whence he had come. 

Grimnir returned with more food just in time to witness the scene, utterly mortified.

“Lady Europa!” - He ran to her, frantic in making sure she was uninjured. 

“I’m alright, Grimnir.” - Europa gave him a reassuring smile despite the panic twisting her own stomach. - “Let’s go get a constable on the scene.”

“But!”

“She’s right. Go get the authorities.” - Shiva turned halfway around to address him in that firm, authoritative tone that he knew Grimnir could not refuse. 

But before the boy could comply, Europa’s assailant had gotten back up and bellowed.

“Don’t think you can just walk out of this! And you.” - He shot a spiteful glare at Shiva. - “Her fiancé or something? Awfully valiant of you to volunteer yourself for a beating. It’ll be a mighty shame to see that pretty face of yours smashed in. Get him, lads!”

Heeding his signal, three more ruffians leapt out from among the stupefied crowd to swarm Shiva. Just as Europa had feared, their scuffle had escalated into an full-blown fist fight.

Without a thought crossing his mind, Grimnir tried to run to Shiva’s side. But his path was blocked by a fourth thug who flashed him a menacing grin.

“Don’t think you’re off the hook yet, shrimp. It’s your own fault for associating yourself with the wrong peo-”

Almost faster than Grimnir could blink, the thug crumpled to the ground on his side as if struck by horizontal lightning. All parties involved froze in their tracks, momentarily distracted by the sound of bone cracking upon impact. 

Beside the incapacitated rogue stood a lone girl with one leg still held in midair following her devastating kick, striking red hair streamed behind her in a high ponytail like a cascade of flames.

Regardless of her identity, the girl had given Shiva a valuable chance to strike during his enemies’ collective daze. He immediately fell two of them with powerful punches of his own. At the sounds of their comrades’ cry, the remaining ruffians snapped out of their stupor to make a desperate charge for Shiva and their new challenger. A simple nod was all it took between the girl and Shiva to affirm their new alliance. Fists and legs working in tandem, their cooperation promised a world of pain.

From the sidelines, two pairs of unblinking eyes were glued to their every movement.

“Awesome…” - Grimnir whispered half to himself, awestruck at the sight of Shiva tearing through his foes.

“Tell me about it…” - Europa mumbled in response, unable to tear her own eyes away from the red-haired girl.

\---

They made short work of the thugs and threw their unconscious bodies into a pile. All that was left was to wait for the authorities. The crowd of spectators eventually dispersed with the fight having come to a close. Shiva huffed out a breath as he massaged reddened knuckles. His partner dusted off her apron and re-tied the loosened cascade of hair behind her head. They exchanged cordial smiles. But introductions would have to wait. Making sure Shiva’s two companions were safe was of higher priority.

Europa’s amazement at the spectacle had rendered her oblivious to the fact that she was now standing alone. 

“Are you alright, miss?” - The unnamed girl asked. 

“Oh… Yes! I’m quite unharmed. Thank you for coming to our assistance.” - Europa almost stumbled over her own foot from a simple bow. - “I’ll certainly repay this favour in full...”

“No need for formalities. Knowing that you're safe is enough reward.”

In normal circumstances, Shiva would have readily indulged his fascination by watching the magenta blush creep up Europa’s cheeks. But more pressing concerns were on his mind. 

“Where's Grimnir?” 

“Shiva!” - Grimnir had gone off to fetch ice from the nearest vendor and was now running at full speed towards Shiva, armed with a small pouch of it. - “Give me your hands!”

Shiva didn't even need to give Grimnir his hands, because they were immediately seized and had the ice pack pressed over their sore knuckles. The relief was instant. Coupled with the confirmation that Grimnir was also safe, the combined effect drained all remaining tension from Shiva's weary muscles. Even Grimnir’s rapid-fire chattering was almost soothing on his nerves. He was undoubtedly going insane.

“You were so badass, Shiva!! I wish you could've seen yourself fight from where I was. That uppercut was sick! Almost as cool as that time you dodged and countered the thug that tried to hit you from behind, and also when you tripped one of them with your leg, and- ow ow ow!”

Grimnir flailed when his nose was pinched by Shiva, who saw it as fitting punishment for idiotically throwing himself into harm’s way. 

“We could both have fallen prey to their violence had it not been for the help of this young lady here. Thank her properly.”

Grimnir rubbed his abused nose before turning to the unnamed girl with a big, toothy grin. Clearing his throat, he began introducing them on the other two’s behalf.

“Your combative prowess is quite formidable, o’ fair warrior! I am called Grimnir, caretaker of the gardens belonging to milord - Shiva. And this lovely flower here is milady, Europa. You have my gratitude for coming to our aid… uh… Sorry, what's your name?”

“Oh, it's…”

A booming voice from the unfamiliar fruit vendor’s direction abruptly cut her off. 

“Lexie! What's taking you so long, girl?”

“Coming, papa!” - She shouted her reply. 

“Lexie?” - Grimnir and Europa cocked their heads to the side in unison. 

The girl called ‘Lexie’ sighed in exasperation. 

“It's Alexiel. Papa just prefers to call me that way since it saves time, apparently.” - She turned on her heels, ready to head back following her farewells to the group. - “Well, I’m glad that you are all safe. I must get back to work now. See you around, hopefully.”

But Europa couldn’t be more eager to stop her. All usual concerns for poise and self-restraint seemed to have entirely slipped her mind.

“Wait! Pardon me, but is there any chance you work in that stall with the pearl pink apples on display? We were just about to head there before… you know… Would it be impudent to suggest that we go together? Don’t worry, we’ll make our purchases worth your while! I have some business to discuss with your father, too. Real business!” 

Alexiel couldn’t help a small chuckle at the way Europa proudly puffed out her chest, like a child being assigned with her first errand.

“Alright. Let’s go, then.”

\---

Standing behind the generous display of fruits was possibly the most formidable-looking man the three had ever laid eyes upon. Grimnir had thought Shiva’s height was imposing, but the man loomed over him. His bronze skin was taut over powerful muscles, and had it not been for his friendly countenance, the man would have appeared awfully frightening.

“Oh, looks like Lexie made three whole new friends! Atta girl, that’s three times your monthly quota in one day!” - His thunderous laughter startled Europa and Grimnir enough that they simultaneously latched onto each of Shiva’s arms.

“No, papa. These are the folks who had the misfortune of running into those usual misfits. I brought them along since they said they wanted to talk business with you. Also…” 

Alexiel hauled a hefty sack of potatoes lying against the stand over her shoulder, barely exerting any effort. 

“That was faulty logic. I don’t make new friends every month, thus zero times three is still zero. And I recall asking you not to leave merchandise lying around so carelessly? Someone could’ve dragged it off while you weren’t looking.”

“Sorry, sorry. But really had my hands full working with the customers at the front! Couldn’t do that properly _and_ rearrange things on my own, y’know.”

“...Fair enough, I’ll go tidy up the back while you talk to them, then.” 

Alexiel nodded at Shiva, Grimnir and Europa before disappearing to the back of the stand. With her gone, the man’s full attention was now on the three remaining youngsters.

“The name’s Uriel. Sorry if my daughter put you off. A bit of an uptight stick in the mud, that girl is. But I can assure you she’s more reliable than at least three boys her age combined.” - Uriel shook his head, betraying the evident pride written all over his face. - “So, which one of you wanted to talk business? This lad, maybe?”

He looked at Shiva, who stepped aside to reveal Europa hiding behind his arm. 

“I'm afraid not. That would be my companion here.”

“Uhm… It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir! I'm called Europa.” 

The girl finally worked up her courage to muster a proper greeting but was almost scared back into taking refuge behind Shiva by Uriel’s boisterous laughter. 

“What a charming little lady. Man, am I thrilled for Lexie to finally have a female friend. Growing up, I’ve only ever seen her hang out with boys, you know. And it’s not as if a brute like me would know all that’s best for a girl her age. Hope you’ll get along great with her, Europa.”

“Oh, certainly! I’ll do my best.”

Shiva frowned. Uriel was back to talking about his daughter, and Europa wasn’t even trying to hide her eagerness at the prospect of a friendship with Alexiel anymore. He attempted to redirect them back to the topic at hand.

“I’m sure you have a lot to talk about with Uriel on the matters of trade, Europa. How about Grimnir and I go entertain ourselves to allow you the privacy for discussion? We’ll be right around the cluster of refreshment stands.”

“We will?” - Grimnir asked, dumbfounded. He had been quite distracted by the rippling of Uriel’s muscles every time his colossal body quaked with laughter. Only the undesirable prospect of having to part with Europa, albeit temporarily, was able to grab his attention. 

“Yes.” - Shiva shot him a decisive look, the insinuation of which seemed to fly right over his head. 

“But…! Wait, Shiva!”

Not allowing any further objections, Shiva slung Grimnir over his shoulder in the same manner Alexiel did the potato sack. 

“We will see you later, then.” - He gave the remaining party a quick bow, then proceeded to retreat into the crowd with Grimnir in one arm. 

“Oh… Okay. I’ll see you two soon!” 

Europa’s voice trailed behind them while Uriel waved.

\---

Europa’s entourage did manage to find her and immediately insisted that she be escorted home, for they had stayed long past sundown. Shiva and Grimnir returned after their fruitless wandering around the food stalls, which had already begun closing down when they arrived. When they went back for Europa, she was in the middle of negotiating with her men to bring Alexiel and Uriel along to directly discuss with Gabriel on the matters of their new business partnership. 

She succeeded, but it also meant parting with her friends for the day. Shiva only managed to pry a tearful Grimnir from Europa after she had ensured him that they would meet again before the harvest season drew to a close. But even then, Grimnir remained trapped in a state of pensive gloom since their farewell. The air inside Shiva’s carriage hung heavy as lead.

“Did you not enjoy yourself?” - Shiva’s voice finally cut through the silence.

“Huh…? No! I mean… I did enjoy myself!” 

Suddenly dragged out of his rumination, Grimnir made a desperate effort to seem cheerful. But his forced smile only caused Shiva’s scowl to deepen.

“But it’s true! I couldn’t have imagined seeing Lady Europa again, let alone have this much fun with her. And I’m really grateful for that. Thank you...”

Grimnir’s smile was still poignant, but truth indeed reverberated through his words. The knot in Shiva’s guts loosened a little at the genuine warmth permeating the boy’s features. His own expression softened as if to mirror Grimnir’s. 

But silence soon wedged itself back in between them, compelling Shiva to shatter it once more. Being in Grimnir’s presence yet not having his ears filled with _noise_ just felt uncanny to the point of discomfort.

“You two really are as close as you said, huh.” 

“Yup! Dad said I was only five when we first met, but we got along almost instantly. Looking at her, you’d think Lady Europa was the timid, well-behaved type of girl. Well… she is that. But still! She’s actually really fun to be around, too! And when dad wasn’t around for some nights and I got lonely, we would even have sleepovers.” 

Even if they had been toddlers, the thought of them having sleepovers still made that knot in Shiva’s guts tighten. He quietly cursed himself for the irrational vexation once again creeping under his skin. 

“So, yeah! Lady Europa is sort of the big sister I never had... Most of the time I’d totally forget we were technically employer and employee, you know. Because… she was like family.” 

_Except she wasn’t._

Some treacherous part of Shiva was hellbent on aggravating him in his own voice. It began to pry away his fingers firmly grasping the reins on his emotions, one by one. 

“...Am I also like family to you, then?” 

The question seemed to catch Grimnir off-guard. The boy’s eyes widened, lips parted slightly as if to make way for an answer that had yet to be formulated. He eventually managed to string his words into coherence. 

“Uhm… I guess you are! You act a little scary sometimes, but you’re always kind to me. We’ve had tons of fun together, too.” - Grimnir nodded to himself, as if satisfied with his own answer so far. “Yeah, you’re like family to me as well.” 

Shiva was quiet again. He hated to alarm Grimnir with his lack of a response, but those words seemed to have flipped on some forbidden switch deep inside him. The knot in his stomach came unraveled in an instance, letting his emotions spill open in a chaotic, tangled mess on the carriage’s floor. 

_Self control be damned._ If in Grimnir’s eyes, he was in a position similar to that of Europa then doing what she had done should technically be permissible. 

Shiva abruptly pulled Grimnir closer by the arm to press his lips rather forcefully against his forehead. He could’ve done better. Could’ve been more gentle, at least as gentle as she was, perhaps. But his clumsiness wasn’t enough cause for Grimnir to pull away just yet. Even after a good few seconds had passed and Shiva had no means of knowing the boy’s reaction, Grimnir remained still. Shiva had expected fear upon their parting, but instead, was met with wide eyes staring at him in blank confusion. 

The accursed beast within Shiva shoved him a few more inches towards that line of acceptability - one that was hopelessly still nowhere in sight. Like a fool groping aimlessly for that boundary in the fog, Shiva’s fingers threaded into Grimnir’s hair with slight hesitation, securing him by the back of his head. He struggled to maintain a slow pace, despite his determination to let go the moment any sign of resistance made itself known. 

None came. 

Not even as their lips locked. Not when Shiva pried Grimnir’s mouth open, pulled him completely on top of himself and pressed their bodies together by the small of his back. His mind was numb, but nonetheless took note of how easily Grimnir’s lithe frame slid into his arms in the same manner adjacent puzzle pieces would click together - perfectly sized, like it was made for this. The taste of caramel apples danced on his tongue, tapering off into dulcet warmth that was surely the flavour of sunlight. 

Eyes closed, Shiva never noticed the arms encircling his neck in return as they fell, embracing in a slow descent into breathless heat that built with each passing second. 


	7. Chapter 7

Fall arrived prematurely that year, and then threatened to leave just as soon as it had come. Looming closer was also the possibility of an early winter followed by devastating spring frost. With Gabriel’s having embarked on an overseas business trip, Shiva’s first stay over the non-planting season would mark his first trial as the estate’s new master - to prepare orchard for the harsh climate ahead.

That day in particular, however, was one of his rare days off.

“Just push yourself up and swing your other leg over the saddle.” - Shiva instructed a fearful Grimnir.

The stable’s interior was warm, with its straw padding and expertly crafted woodwork which spared its residents from the wintry drafts. Even so, Grimnir was shivering as if seized by hypothermia.

“But…! It’s too high up!” - He yelped.

Shiva held back a sigh as his hand maintained its firm grip around Grimnir’s trembling one. The horse whipped its tail impatiently.

“I thought you were an expert at scaling trees. What is a horse’s height in comparison to those?”

“But trees are rooted to the ground and this… This is way too wobbly! What… What if it just hurled me off!? Can you break your neck falling from up there!?”

Grimnir’s restless swinging from the stirrup was actually doing more to irritate the horse. But Shiva held his tongue, knowing that pointing out the fact would only heighten his panic. 

“...Step aside.”

Grimnir could not have more happily complied. 

In one clean, practiced motion, Shiva mounted the horse himself. He huffed when Grimnir gave his demonstration tiny claps in awe, but wasted little time in extending a hand out to the younger.

“Here.”

There was that blush again. 

Shiva had enjoyed putting effort into coaxing the expression out of Grimnir, making him flustered out of his mind. But that bout of impulse in the carriage had rendered its appearance more frequent as of late. It took little for the red to creep up Grimnir’s cheeks, spread to his ears at their slightest brush of skin; his speech made a loud, skipping record of barely coherent stammerings. 

But perhaps egged on by pure anxiety, Grimnir took hold of his hand with unexpected fervour, shed of all reservations as he threw himself onto the saddle in front of Shiva. With his back against him, Grimnir’s flaming blush was hidden from view. Shiva absently took note of this as his first time seeing Grimnir’s hair whorl up close. The top of his head was almost directly under Shiva’s chin - silky and smelling faintly of trimmed hedges and hay baking under the sun. 

The saddle’s edges pushing them so close together was making Grimnir even more restless. His legs began to swing, inevitably bumping against the beast’s sides. The horse started moving in response to the false cue. The sudden motion forced a high-pitched yelp out of Grimnir, who leaned back into Shiva for leverage with hands over his eyes.

“Calm down. Everything will be fine so long as your hands are firm on the reins.” 

“BUT MY HANDS AREN’T ON THE REINS.”

Grimnir was borderline screaming at this point. Shiva rolled his eyes, then gently pried each hand away from his face, guiding their fingers around the reins before enveloping them in his own. 

A cold gust grazed Grimnir’s cheek while his eyes remained closed, making it known to him that they had already left the stable. The sudden drop in the air’s temperature made the solid warmth at his back even more apparent. His heart felt swollen, too large for his ribcage as it incessantly pumped heat to his face and ears. Grimnir quietly resented not having covered his ears instead, as there was little doubt that Shiva could see them. Everything felt too warm and tightly pressed together. Too reminiscent of bodies piled on top of each other in the confines of a tiny carriage...

Grimnir barked out an incomprehensible noise to chase away the memory, sounding like he choked on his own tongue in the middle of a yell. It startled the horse and wedged a hitch in the animal’s steady gait. Thankfully, Shiva was there to calm it.

“I don’t know what that was, but you’ll be better off not startling her if you are to ride on your own in the future. “

“...Riding on my own? What for?” - Though he was still trembling, Grimnir’s eyes were now open, his head leaned back to look up at Shiva inquisitively.

“You are to use this horse for individual trips to Lady Gabriel’s residence from now on. Frequent correspondence between our estates is necessary for mutual assistance in light of the harsh winter to come.”

He could’ve sworn Grimnir’s eyes twinkled without the touch of sunlight, the stretch of his own shadow having prevented such a possibility.

“You mean…!” - Grimnir sucked in a breath, his voice coming out unnaturally high-pitched.

“It’s for work.” - Shiva’s tone was stern.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I really will be seeing Lady Europa again before the harvest ends I can’t believe-”

“You’d better get used to this soon if it is to be believed.”

“Oh, right. Just watch me then!”

But it would another good hour or two of strolling casually around the yellowing pasture before Shiva would allow Grimnir independent control of the reins. And even then he was far from having complete faith. Gloomy storm clouds gathering in the distance and Grimnir’s ear tips reddening from the cold were what motivated his decision. Shiva’s unoccupied hands now rest on his companion’s shoulders as if indirectly steering the beast, ready to reclaim control the moment any abnormality made itself known.

“Can I make it go faster yet?”

“No. Don’t count on your neck being able to withstand the consequences of impatience.”

Shiva couldn’t see it himself, but was certain Grimnir’s lips had curled into a pout. It was impressive how all traces of debilitating fear from earlier had evaporated. Grimnir’s mood now occupied the other extreme of overzealousness. His emotions simply knew no moderation.

And yet, Grimnir was doing remarkably well on his own. One would even venture calling him a natural. It should have come as no surprise. Shiva, of all people, was no stranger to Grimnir's intellect, usually overshadowed by his lack of social skills and hopelessly childish manner of speech. Had it not been for his own constant need for control - a tendency inherited from the overbearing Michael - Shiva would surely have put more faith in his ability. He almost felt ashamed. Even the horse was relaxed enough to break into a leisurely jog, hooves crunching dried leaves in staccato as they headed down a tree-lined path. 

“Are you seeing this, Shiva? I'm nailing it! Oh man I must look so cool right n-”

Thunder tore through the air with a deafening roar, splintering off the end of Grimnir's sentence. The horse neighed in panic, its hooves kicking dust before the animal lunged forward in a fear-fueled flight. 

Shiva’s reflexes kicked into gear. One arm encircled Grimnir and secured him against his chest, the other took hold of the reins torn from his fingers. He managed to bring the horse’s rampage to a halt, but the beast lifting its front legs upon stopping flung them both off its back. 

He held Grimnir close as they rolled off the path. Even as they came to a complete stop just short of crashing into a bush, Shiva’s instinct-driven arms were loath to let go. 

Only the sound of Grimnir softly giggling into his chest got Shiva to relent his embrace. And even then, calling his state of mind perfectly sound wouldbe far from the truth. 

“That was sick!! A little scary but still! I've never felt that excited before, going at that breakneck speed and the wind just whipping at my face… Shiva? Shiva, what are you…”

A breath caught in Grimnir’s throat upon being suddenly rolled onto his back, arms seized and squeezed by Shiva. Then his shoulders received the same treatment, then his ribcage, shins, ankles...

Shiva was checking him for any broken bones on autopilot. Countless memories of the times Grimnir had come to him with twisted ankles or bone fractures flashed before his eyes. Grimnir's voice at present, calling out to him, fell on deaf ears. _Every single damn time,_ he would be wearing that stupid, carefree grin as if he had been having the time of his life while impervious to any harm done to his body. Shiva would not be having any of that today. Not on his watch. 

Once confirmed Grimnir was entirely free from injury, Shiva took the much needed breath to clear the fervent haze of concern clouding his mind. Only then did he realise Grimnir had been quiet. Deathly quiet. With one arm covering his face, pinned to the ground underneath him and quivering softly. But such realisations did not compel Shiva to get off. After all, making sure he had not unknowingly hurt Grimnir was now of higher priority. 

“Grimnir, are you crying?”

“...No.”

Shiva frowned, entirely unconvinced and only further aggravated by the monosyllabic response. He held Grimnir's arm, removing it from his face with care. The sight that awaited left him stunned. 

Grimnir’s face was a vibrant magenta that stained his pale skin down to his neck.

 _Shit_. Yet, Shiva still couldn't bring himself to move away. And Grimnir couldn't bring himself to push him off. They were stuck there, flustered, neither courageous enough to take the lead in bringing their circumstance towards its logical end.

But against all odds, it was Grimnir who initiated movement. His hand was raised, hesitantly reaching out. 

Shiva panicked under his stoic facade. Was he about to be pushed away? Pulled closer? He was tragically unprepared for either, strapped into a straitjacket of pride… and something else.

Thunder crashed over their heads as if to mirror his tumultuous heart. It caused Grimnir to withdraw his hand slightly in reflex, mercifully buying Shiva just enough time to identify the sinking feeling in his stomach as… 

_...Fear?_ There was no denying his dread towards rejection, the idea of tainting Grimnir’s innocence, of spoiling what they shared more than he already had. 

Heavy raindrops hit the back of Shiva’s neck, their chill more acute than ever on his flaming skin. He knew well the futility of trying to outrun subsequent self-hatred. Both for missing a possible opportunity and removing his body from shielding Grimnir against the rain’s icy touch. And yet, the same compulsion to salvage his shattered pride pulled Shiva back on his feet. His rushed attempt at helping Grimnir up nearly caused the latter to stumble.

“...Sorry.” - Shiva steadied Grimnir by his shoulder, immediately letting go to minimise further excessive contact.

It had taken mere seconds for the fine fibres of Grimnir’s hair to become drenched and stick to his face. Wet bangs hid most of his eyes from view. Shiva unfortunately could still see them widen slightly in shock, along with Grimnir’s mouth opening and closing in rapid succession to voiceless stammers that had either died in his throat or been muffled by the downpour. Grimnir might as well have been drowning in midair. Meanwhile, Shiva was putting every ounce of effort into convincing himself the flash of hurt across the younger’s features was illusory.

The ride back was quiet save for the rain’s monotonous droning, occasionally accentuated by the rumbling of thunder from the sky’s dark belly. They were soaked to the bone but nonetheless thankful for that silence.

\---

Grimnir would not see Shiva for a good three weeks after their… date? _Let’s call it an outing._ At least then that disastrous ending to the day would hurt him less in retrospect.

Winter had already begun sending forth its dreadful envoys. Cruel chills rode the wintry winds across the foliage, stripping bare even the most sturdy branches in its wake. Snow had yet to arrive, but the rapid drop in temperature alone was already of considerable detriment to the orchard’s landscape. 

More importantly, the unnatural change of season had been responsible for keeping them apart, for better or worse.

Grimnir’s green eye gazed at the formidable rolls of cloud on the ashy sky like rippling mercury, his pink one hiding under the rim of a woolen hat. Raphael’s cottage was only a short distance away from the fields. Standing in at the front door, he could already see the aisles crowded with fallen fruit. 

Premature drops - stillborns of the year’s harvest. Some would have ripened had they been granted a few more days on the branches. Others were mostly green with accents of pink or gold, requiring another week or so perhaps. But an early winter’s arrival had woven the ground a garish tapestry of their fallen carcasses. Above them stood naked branches pointing skyward, like crooked limbs yearning to part the clouds in search of sunlight. 

He had always dreaded the season, the moisture-less, frigid air drying the inner membranes of his nostrils until they cracked and bled, the desolate landscape stained by death everywhere he looked, the _cold_. 

Grimnir was used to spending winter cooped up in the toasty confines of their cottage, free from work. But this year’s freakish climate had torn him away from that comfort, while probably locking Shiva up in his studies with administrative work for damage control…

His heart was heavy, stinging with regret when he accidentally kicked a decaying apple off the beaten path. Another’s fragment crunched under his boot. Soon, it felt like walking all over shards of himself. Paying reverence to spoiled produce was stupid, but he knew little else that could account for the weight on his chest.

 _Nah, that’s a barefaced lie._ Raphael’s absence was more upsetting, the man having once again left on some untimely errand, tasking him with maintaining the fragile seedlings against the chill, putting so much expectation (Europa would call it trust) on him when Grimnir barely had a shred of faith in himself. 

Crossing the line and possibly offending Shiva that day was certainly more upsetting. He had dared to assume some illusory right towards Shiva’s affection after a mere moment spurred on by irrationality, the _gall_ to assume they were of equal footing after one kiss. 

Being by himself was miles more upsetting, only the voices of his insecurities filling his head, stuck with the frightful reminder that his lifelong friend, his hero, the love of his life was utterly out of reach. That Shiva might as well disappear into the sea one of these days. That he would be left alone, stuck here for the rest of his life in stagnation-

Grimnir nearly crashed into the orangery’s entrance and physically realised his trainwreck of thoughts. On the other side laid the promise of much needed companionship, even if it were of plants. Caring for them should at least free him from the crushing solitude born of his own musings.

The structure’s interior was a godsent haven of warmth, specifically designed so to house seedlings and more fragile plants. The glazed roof and glass walls were meant to maximise sunlight reception and trap heat. But with the cloudy sky aided by powdery frost spiderwebbing over every glass surface, such architecture’s only use was boxing everything it surrounded in a sunless, otherworldly realm.

Grimnir lost himself in trimming fungi-spotted leaves, the highs and lows of his emotions flatlining to a tranquil hum to spare concentration the bulk of his energy. The clouded glass panes permitted little sunlight, providing harmful fungi with the ideal environment of ample shade, high humidity and crowded plant matter in which to thrive. Perpetual darkness also meant Grimnir had no means of telling the time of day. Not that he had any need to. Not when there wasn’t anyone in particular waiting for him out there...

A sudden chill brushed his cheek. Gardening shears slipped from his fingers and almost impaled his foot upon its descent. Someone had entered the orangery with that stray draft. Grimnir’s first instinct was to hide. 

From what? He hadn’t the slightest clue. But if it was Shiva…

 _Wait, this is stupid. I’m being stupid._ Grimnir shook his head, crouched under a long table lined with empty germination trays. Had he not been lonely? Persistently yearning for the familiarity of his warmth kept him up alone in that cottage for nights on end? Had the desire to meet Shiva not gnawed at the edges of his mind all hours of day for the past weeks? This behaviour was nonsensical, irrational, betraying every trajectory of his pent up frustrations and yet…

Grimnir pulled his legs closer to his chest, trying to make himself as small as possible behind drooping vines of devil’s ivy. 

Audible footsteps were in his periphery now, each resolute and carrying a nostalgic weight. He could even pick out the individual fragrances making up Shiva’s familiar scent: a sugary whiff of yellowed paper, warm toasted spices and charred firewood, a hint of salt from the sea.

His heart drummed noisily in his ribcage as auditory and olfactory cues grew more apparent with each second, signaling Shiva’s approach. _God,_ he’s such a creep. No wonder Shiva got disgusted with him. It must have been by pure miracle that he had put up with him all these years. 

Grimnir suddenly felt like crying again, and only hated himself more as his eyes began to sting.

“Are you not feeling well?”

The voice was _warm_ , too warm. Its rich baritone pooled familiar heat into the gaping void in Grimnir’s chest. He wanted, no, needed more of its healing touch. That need was so great it breached his solid wall of insecurities, allowing Grimnir to forsake all inhibitions and throw his arms around Shiva’s neck, clinging on for dear life.

Shiva was at a loss for words, but he at least knew better than to pull away. Not when Grimnir seemed like he could die without this.

“Better?” - Shiva pulled a silky lock of silver hair away from Grimnir’s eyes once they had parted, taking note of how long and even more unkempt it had grown in Raphael’s absence. 

His cheeks, rosy with life the last time Shiva saw them, were also noticeably paler and slightly sunken in. Over a mere three weeks Grimnir had somehow physically mirrored the decaying natural world around them. Shiva couldn’t help feeling like this was at least partly his fault, making a mental note to do something about this later.

“...Yeah.” - Grimnir sobbed out a chuckle as he gave Shiva a wilted smile. - “I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. I’ll get back to work now, Lord Shiva.”

As if that smile alone wasn’t already daggers through his heart, the title falling from Grimnir’s lips made Shiva’s palms throb with a mysterious pain.

“I thought we were over that form of address.”

“Ah… Sorry.”

Grimnir looked genuinely apologetic, further twisting Shiva’s stomach in on itself. It was never his intention to make him feel bad.

“I’m really happy to see you again, but there’s a ton to do with dad being away so… uh… Have a nice day!”

“Wait.”

Seized by a sudden urgency, Shiva grabbed Grimnir’s wrist just as he was about to turn on his heel. He knew it was unfair, having run away himself once yet now depriving the younger of a chance to do the same. Shiva could only hope Grimnir would not resent him for this.

Grimnir indeed, did not. Blood rushed to his cheeks from reminiscence of a certain ‘letter of challenge’ years ago that had inspired a frightfully similar setting. He turned around, eyes fixated on Shiva as if expecting to be dragged out of the orangery once again.

“Grimnir, I…” 

Shiva did not know how to react to that evident eagerness… or desperation. The response he was obligated to give would only disappoint. But bound by duty, there was no way of dancing around what had to be said. Their respective positions of newfound responsibility welcomed no displays of immaturity. Had Shiva been able to simply act upon his heart’s desires, he would have not waited three weeks for official business to give him an excuse to see Grimnir.

“You are to bring this letter and package to Lady Gabriel’s residence.”

As expected, the small glimmer of hope in the younger’s eyes immediately dimmed. 

“As you wish.” - Grimnir obediently received the objects before taking a customary bow. The sight made Shiva’s eye involuntarily twitch.

He couldn’t just let Grimnir go as they were. Something between them felt broken, the way they were behaving more ludicrous and gone on for much longer than he could bear. 

“Uh… Shiva? You can let go now. I should get going.”

But Shiva’s grip only tightened. Grimnir was instead pulled closer, a large hand threaded into his hair.

“Come back before dark. I’ll be waiting with dinner.”

Shiva ruffled Grimnir’s hair as he so often had before. It was the least he could do to reaffirm their bond, along with plans to get Grimnir properly fed in presumably weeks. 

He no longer minded the blush, especially when it added colour back to the younger’s pale cheeks. With as little time to spend by each other’s side as they had, what use was there in questioning the nature of their proximity at all? It no longer mattered, should never have mattered in the first place.

The smile on Grimnir’s lips was still faint. It was cautious, full of self-doubt, but nonetheless infinitely more genuine. Most importantly, it bore a hint of eagerness that promised his speedy return. 

Grimnir leaned into Shiva’s hand and for just a moment, allowed himself to revel in its touch. For now, he was certain this warmth was meant for him. 

“Just leave it to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah they’re stupid I’m stupid that’s why we all suffer. Also fate dictates that this will be E rated soon so sorry for that in advance.


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you _absolutely_ certain you can’t just stay for the night?” - Europa twisted her fingers together with unease as she watched Grimnir throw himself on the saddle. Her eyes shift anxiously between him and the dark clouds looming overhead.

“There is no cause for concern when your bravest knight is on the job, milady! Behold as I best the clouds riding the stormy gales!” - Grimnir flashed her a toothy grin in reassurance, his chest puffed out. - “Besides, I’m like a total expert at this now! Not to mention I’d hate to trouble one of Lady Gabriel’s messengers when the sky looks like it’s gonna fall...”

Grimnir couldn’t take back that final sentence fast enough. Europa bit her lips with worry, while Alexiel rolled her eyes. 

“Seems like you’re just in a hurry to be somewhere.” - Alexiel said as she tightened the straps fastening the basket to his horse’s back for extra security. - “Not that I particularly mind whatever motive you may have, so long as you don’t put this merchandise entrusted to you in jeopardy.”

“Alexiel!”

Europa showing her anger was a rare sight. Her raised voice alone made Grimnir’s face withdraw further into his scarf. Even the cool Alexiel recoiled slightly, usual aloofness bending under the weight of Europa’s glare.

“...Sorry.” 

She lowered her head in repentance, to the effect of Europa’s own expression softening.

“Forgive me for my impudent wording. But I do believe Grimnir would be able to arrive at Lady Michael’s before the day ends.”

“You mean it??” 

Grimnir was genuinely touched. Not many in his lifetime had expressed such faith in his terrible ideas.

“Well, if anyone could charge head first into ill-advised ventures and make it out, perhaps not unscathed, but nonetheless in one piece, it’d be you.” 

Alexiel nodded in agreement with herself, then quickly continued before Europa could cut in with protests. 

“I do mean it when I said to be careful with the merchandise, though. My father worked hard to accrue that variety of cider Lady Gabriel has gifted to Lord Shiva. If anything happens to it before it reaches his hands, Lady Gabriel and Lady Europa might grant you clemency, but I will personally seek you out and-”

“Alexiel!!”

“Sorry…”

“Just leave it to me, I’ll make sure they reach Sh… Lord Shiva safe and sound!” - Despite her threat, Grimnir was really appreciative of Alexiel’s remarks. - “If I could have your faith too, Lady Europa, I’d be able to get home twice as fast.”

Europa was still wracked with concern, but God forbid that she should say no to that overly enthusiastic, pleading face of his. With a sigh of resignation, she unwrapped her scarf and tossed it around Grimnir’s neck, layering it on top of his own.

“...Promise me you’ll head for the nearest shelter if the snow even thinks about getting heavy.”

\---

Shiva threw the oven door close with a metallic clang. A pot of root vegetables simmering in flavourful stock beckoned his attention with its impatient gurgles. Next to it sat another pot containing heavily spiced curry, the colour of its content almost matching the flames licking its bottom. He carefully strained the light vegetable soup with muslin over a large glass bowl. Bright red bubbles swelled and deflated on the curry’s surface, some peeking over the pot’s rim as if to steal inquisitive glances at his movements.

The kitchen was flooded with warm orange light from cooking fires while delectable aromas filled the space’s every nook and cranny. Shiva took a step back to look at the fruits of his labour, neatly laid in rows on the long oaken table. A tray of fruit mince pies, a hefty glass bowl of trifle, a plate stacked tall with cream sandwich biscuits, and another one, and another… 

Shiva only then realised the massively skewed ratio of actual food to desserts, among which the aforementioned cream biscuits were Grimnir’s favourite. Cooking was an endeared pastime of his, one in which he could only partake to his heart’s content in the absence of the estate’s head cook. What he made depended on the ingredients available as well as his thought process. For that particular evening, it happened to be whatever Grimnir most enjoyed eating that he could think of. That ended up being a lot of sugary foods. 

He grimaced slightly, nutritional imbalance alarms blaring at the back of his mind. But the overworked and downtrodden Grimnir deserved this indulgence, Shiva managed to convince himself. Then perhaps he could get away with just one more thing…

Shiva’s trip to the shed - where a portion of apples harvested from the fall were stored - was met with moderately strong winds carrying odd clusters of snowflakes. But by the time he retreaded its threshold with a full trug of baking apples, a full blown snowstorm had kicked up. 

Freezing gusts numbed his cheeks and pulled strips of his long hair out of their ponytail, sending them flailing in the air in jet black ribbons. It was barely visible over ten paces from where he stood, his entire field of vision whited out by snow that came billowing down from the clouds above with a vengeance.

The squalls abusing his skin could not possibly compare to the ice-cold dread settling in his stomach. _Was Grimnir still at Lady Gabriel’s? If so, was their messenger delayed by the snow? Or could Grimnir be on his way back himself and possibly…_

Shiva could not finish the thought nor put finishing their dinner on hold more quickly. Finally surrendering the rest to a kitchen maid, he hastily threw on the barely appropriate amount of layers and headed for the stable.

—-

Grimnir was close. He was but another short distance away from home when the snowstorm abruptly descended. It took little time for his vision to grow from being speckled with snow to a complete ashen blur, icy winds assaulting him from all sides. They were lucky to have reached the bridge connecting the riverside path to the other bank where laid Michael’s estate. He got down from the horse and, with great pains, guided the disoriented animal under the bridge for shelter.

“Good girl. Guess we’ll have to wait until this blows over.” 

Grimnir gently patted the horse’s muzzle before throwing the thicker one of his scarves over its back, only to remember that horses could withstand most winter temperatures without blanketing. 

“Oops, sorry for that.” - He pulled the scarf off with a sheepish grin, then sat down huddled up against the cold stone arch.

The horse huffed through its nose as if in response.

“Oh, right! How about a snack while we wait?”

The metal lock of Grimnir’s personal bag was ice cold on his fingertips, but he managed to wrestle it open, pulling out a few fallen apples he had salvaged from the fields. 

Honeycrisps. Strange, he had no recollections of purposefully seeking out this particular variety. Grimnir felt his chest tightened with a surge of nostalgia. 

That evening in the pathetic little hole he had quite literally dug for himself, it was this same variety that had sated his growling stomach. He would only hear of Shiva’s carrying him back from Raphael the following morning. Grimnir might have been socially clueless, but he was no complete idiot. It could have only been Shiva who had given him those fruits. Honeycrisps was a variety that held well on trees and could not possibly have birthed windfalls at that time of the year…

His thought process was interrupted when the horse bit a large chunk out of the fruit in his hand. 

“Ah, here you go, then.”

Turning the bag upside-down, Grimnir shook the rest of the apples out onto the ground, presenting the delighted animal with a small feast.

Time seemed to trudge by at an agonising pace. Alternating between watching the snow and the horse could not quell nor distract from the growing fire in his heart. 

_Shiva._ He had to get back to Shiva quickly, he had promised to do so before sunset. Shiva must be anxious waiting for his return, especially when no messengers had been sent from Lady Gabriel’s to inform him of Grimnir’s whereabouts.

Grimnir couldn’t stand this. He didn’t know if his heart could take giving Shiva more cause for distress. 

Just as the cold hand of despair crept on his shoulder, Grimnir’s eyes fell on the basket still strapped to the horse’s back. Another terrible idea dawned on him.

It was only a short distance left. He could pull this off! Granted, the alcohol in his system would actually draw heat out of him, Alexiel might really kill him if she were to find out later, this was his employer’s possession and even if he only needed one swig from a bottle out of a dozen, it would still be theft…

Outside of the stone bridge’s shelter, the snowstorm billowed on without a sign of diminishing. There was an increasingly good chance of being stuck here till daybreak, and the entire next day, and then the next. Blizzards wouldn’t typically wane after mere hours, Grimnir was aware.

He had to do it, he only needed a temporary burst of heat to fuel his escapade. Alexiel could wring his neck with her bare hands, Shiva could cut his salary in half but neither thought was able to speak down the impatience welling up in Grimnir’s chest, suffocating him on the spot.

Consequences be damned, he would be ready to confront them head on when all this came to past. With that thought, Grimnir gingerly unfastened the basket’s lid.

\---

To call Shiva ‘distressed’ would be a disgusting understatement. He had wanted to make another round to search for Grimnir, flip over every rock in between his mother’s and Lady Gabriel’s if he had to, _anything_ that would make the swirling whirlpool of dread in his stomach dissipate. 

Against his valet’s pleas, Shiva had already scoured a good stretch of the riverbank and visited every local residence, accompanied by a small search party as compromise. The snow growing heavier prevented them from crossing the bridge, eventually forcing their return. Shiva was simply in no position to risk his own safety or the stability of the household for the sake of, as the cook had put it, one lowly servant boy.

Never before in his life had he felt closer to screaming at someone, his voice shaking as he dismissed the staff before retreating to his room in cold rage. Grimnir had never been a mere servant to Shiva, let alone have the word ‘lowly’ attributed to him. But something clawing within him, some dark and insidious organ, had safeguarded an undesirable self-awareness. That no matter how much Shiva tried to pull the wool over his own eyes, continued their charade of being equals, a gaping fault between himself and Grimnir did exist. His position had dictated since his birth that Shiva be bound by utilitarian principles, that he had not the luxury of involving personal sentiments in decision-making...

Shiva wasn’t aware of his knuckles going white, nails digging into his the palms of clenched fists as his eyes remained transfixed on the uniform whiteness outside his room’s window. Had he possessed Grimnir’s mindset, he would have put complete faith in the best possible scenario: that Grimnir was safe at Gabriel’s residence, that a messenger was sent and now only taking refuge from the storm. But in lieu of Grimnir’s mental fortitude, such faith was impossible for Shiva. He was simply not strong enough, not as Grimnir was...

The sudden banging on his door almost caused Shiva to jump.

“What is it? If this is neither urgent news nor words of a messenger from Lady Gabriel, be dismissed.”

“Uhhh… Neither! But can I come in anyway!?”

Almost knocking over the chair he had been sitting on, Shiva rushed to the door at the familiar voice. He could not pull the door open with more haste, nearly ramming it into himself. Before him stood a drenched but puzzlingly cheerful Grimnir. 

“How…” - Shiva whispered in disbelief.

“They said you were _super_ upset and didn’t want to deal with that so I should go and bear the brunt of your rage since this is all my fault, or sum’n... But anyway I’m back! It was wiiiild but I made it!” 

Something was off. Grimnir had always been loud to begin with, but not so much as to shout every word leaving his mouth as he was doing. Not to mention his face looked oddly flushed.

“You’re drunk!?” 

A whiff of alcohol confirmed Shiva’s suspicion. The despondence flooding his chest earlier slowly turned to anger. 

“Well… just a little tipsy. You see, Lady Gabriel gifted you a dozen bottles of cider and I… I needed a little rush to get through the snowstorm. I swear I only had a sip or two, though! The rest are in stora-” 

“What were you thinking!?”

Shiva half-yelling caused Grimnir to be taken aback. He had never heard him raise his voice to such a degree.

“I’m sorry about the cider! You can cut my pay to compensate, or meals… I’ll-”

“You were riding through a bloody blizzard! Drunk! Have you any idea of the sort of hazard you posed to yourself and those who might have also been lost in the snow with no means of navigation!?”

“I-I knew what I was doing! I could see fine and was certain of the way… And it turned out alright, didn’t it?”

“And what if it hadn’t!?” - Shiva gritted his teeth, cringing at the mere thought of other, darker possible outcomes. - “Why do you constantly plague others with worry with your games of tempting fate!? Is that all life is to you? A game? You’re no longer a child, Grimnir!”

“Then stop treating me like one!!”

Grimnir’s shout, broken in the middle from his cracked voice, sliced cleanly through their exchange. Astonishing silence bled from the cut.

Wet silver bangs hiding Grimnir’s eyes from Shiva’s view only further caused guilt to choke him up. Sirens blared in the confines of his mind. He needed to apologise, quickly. 

“...In any case, let’s get you warmed up, first.”

_Damn it._ That wasn’t at all what he wanted to say. Shiva felt consumed with self-hatred as he led Grimnir inside, his palms stinging again. Thankfully Grimnir showed no resistance, or couldn’t. Possibly from exhaustion, he was leaning slightly onto Shiva for support. 

Shiva could only hope the hands clinging to his coat were only trembling from the cold.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a miracle that Grimnir had managed to lead the horse back to the stable at all. Shiva made haste in pulling the snow-drenched clothes from his body while incessantly reminding himself of the deed’s undeniable necessity. He would sooner let Grimnir resent him before letting his health be at risk. 

Despite Shiva’s efforts to impose a sterile veil over his perception of their circumstances, Grimnir’s smooth skin glistening under the amber glow from the fireplace, laid bare in an expanse wider than he had ever seen was mightily distracting. The dimple just beneath Grimnir’s exposed collarbone smirked at him with its crescent shadow. He quickly threw a towel over Grimnir’s shoulders, only relaxing once the younger had pulled the towel over his own head, shielding most of his body from view. 

“I’ll bring these to the laundry and get you a new set of clothes. Don’t take too much time drying off.”

No response. Shiva chalked it up to Grimnir being too tired, or tipsy, to hear him. One leg pushed himself up to leave, but a hand clinging to Shiva’s coat hem stopped him short.

“...re you always…” - Grimnir’s voice rolling off his tongue was thick as molasses, drenched in an uncharacteristic severity.

“Excuse me?”

The hand yanked Shiva back down with surprising force. His head stopped short of colliding with the ground as legs and elbows dug into the carpet for support just in time. He had barely breathed a sigh of relief when a naked and furious Grimnir, still with the large towel over his head, settled on the slope of his thighs. 

Never in his life had he born witness to something this cute as it was terrifying, not to mention dangerously erotic. The towel draping over Grimnir could only conceal so much when he barely made the effort to hold it around his body. 

This was an unfamiliar storm of multituous perils - that at least, Shiva was aware. So he had the good sense to lay still, lest the precarious balance of their current position got thrown off and caused Grimnir to slide down further.

“Grimnir, calm down.”

Of course that didn’t make him back down in the slightest. Grimnir’s eyes were piercing orbs of red and blue, glassy from either intoxication or welling tears of anger. Said tears soon spilled down his flushed cheeks when Grimnir lunged forward to grab Shiva by the collar with gritted teeth.

“You’re always like this! Deciding things for me on your own, deciding whether I am in danger, or hurt, or lonely… I’m not some little brat that you constantly need to coddle!”

“I don’t _decide_ whether you are hurt when you objectively are. And I will stop fretting over your well-being once your behaviour convinces me you can take care of yourself.”

Grimnir’s eyes widened in disbelief. A flash of pain streaked across his features.

“But I do take care of myself! What do you think I was doing on my own, before I met you? You just won’t accept my way of doing things, or me for the way that I am…”

Those last words stung.

“You know that’s not true. I…”

“What am I, then!? If you won’t ever let me graduate from being the annoying little errand boy who’s as much of a thorn in your side as he is everyone else’s? Do people kiss kids the way you did me? What’s your problem!? What’s my problem to you!?”

“That’s enough!”

Shiva had dreaded this, the prospect of his composure finally crumbling. His brain failed to register the following seconds completely. Grimnir was already pinned underneath him as if flipped over by a mere blink of his eyes, flustered from anything but shame. Shiva’s stomach twist into a cold knot just imagining his own face. He half expected Grimnir to coil up in fear, for the ferocity in his eyes to dim just a little. But clouded as they were, Grimnir’s eyes only glowed with exceeding rage. 

Only then did Shiva realise his tears had never been a sign of weakness. Neither was Grimnir’s tendency to emote with passion. Unlike himself, Grimnir had never once been held back from behaving as his heart desired. Just like the forest spirits - mesmerising in the very unbounded nature of his existence, brimming with a thirst for life, a vibrant drop of sun that knew no shadows. He was fearless, unapologetic in his way of life and _free_. Every bit the prideful Shiva could never have aspired to be. Every bit the object of his hopeless affection. 

Anger deflated out of Shiva when met with the epiphany. _That’s right._ He had been the bigger fool, trying to suffocate that liveliness he had supposedly loved so much, depriving its growth of his recognition. 

“Shiva…?” 

The change in Shiva’s expression worried Grimnir. The small amount of alcohol in his system might have granted him the bravado for confrontation, but met with a complete lack of such, Grimnir was still cursed with enough sobriety for sensitivity. He didn’t like how quiet Shiva was being, how genuinely downtrodden he seemed. Grimnir felt his own anger dissipate as he brought a hand to Shiva’s cheek. 

The gesture drew tension out of Shiva along with a sigh.

“Look… I won’t apologise for looking out for you because you are, indeed, too reckless for your own good at times.” - Shiva cupped Grimnir’s raised hand in his own, lacing their fingers together.

“But…!”

Grimnir’s protest died in his throat when his hand was given a firm squeeze.

“What I will apologise for is having treated you like a child, depriving you of the respect and faith rightful between equals, as I had always hoped we would be.”

Grimnir was silent, less from lack of a response and more in contemplation and anticipation of what would follow.

“But please, allow me to keep watching over you.”

Even when half-drunk, the logical inconsistency was glaring to Grimnir. How would continuing to fuss over him be the same as putting more faith in him?

“...Shiva, I’m not that drunk. Why?”

“Because I love you, and I can’t stand the thought of you met with any harm if I can help it.”

“...Excuse me?”

“I’m in love with you, far too much to sit by idly as you put yourself in danger.”

Had Grimnir been more sober, he would have cocooned himself in the towel and marinate in a pocket of his own debilitating shame till dawn. But the emboldening power of alcohol spared him that compulsion, even doing him the extra favour of hiding what must be a flaming blush on his face. Something was blossoming in Grimnir’s stomach and spreading to his entire body in ebbs of fluffy warmth. 

But even so he couldn’t possibly compromise, no matter how tempting the prospect of throwing himself into Shiva’s arms to weep right now seemed. The love of his life doesn’t get a pass for his prior ignorance just for confessing first, or for being heart-wrenchingly _beautiful_ as he did for that matter.

“I love you, too. I’ve been smitten since you manhandled me in Lady Europa’s garden years ago.” 

Grimnir was surprised at how easily the excessively embarrassing confession fell from his lips, a cause for which he would no doubt regret the following morning. But at present, he barely had enough functioning brain cells to care.

“But I am not compromising my freedom.”

 _Of course he wouldn’t._ After all, it was why Shiva had fallen for him in the first place. He would have been overjoyed to learn of their mutual affection, had it not been for this much awaited stage of their relationship beginning on such precarious footing.

“I know. I promise to treat you as an equal, but neither will I give up on my way of loving you.” - With anticipation of a pout forming on Grimnir’s lips, Shiva lowered himself to affectionately nuzzle his hair, letting a light whiff of cider snake up his nose along with Grimnir’s naturally grassy scent. - “It’s alright, we will figure this out in time. Together.”

There was no verbal response, but Grimnir’s lithe arms encircling his neck was more than sufficient. Shiva’s heartbeats quickened when his face was suddenly pressed into Grimnir’s bare shoulder, but managed to maintain just enough composure to help the younger sit back up. Grimnir was still flustered, but his expression mostly unreadable at this point. 

A sudden, inexplicable sense of alarm seized Shiva.

“...Prove it then, if you won’t compromise.”

“What?”

“You said you would stop treating me like a brat, but refused to stop fussing over me regardless. Prove that your perception of me has really changed.”

By the time Shiva realised Grimnir was inching much too close, it was already too late. He could feel the younger’s breath on his own face as his brain put two and two together. If his assumptions were correct, pushing Grimnir away now would be a most ill-calculated move.

“...Grimnir, you’re drunk. You will regret testing my willpower in your current state of mind. You don’t have any idea how difficult it has been to keep myself in check.”

“I’m not drunk! Well, a bit tipsy… which is the point. I’m still aware of what I’m doing while the cider gave me the courage to do it! Seriously, I wouldn’t have been able to say all that to you, or initiate this otherwise… So please, let me do it as long as I don’t feel compelled to run away again! Because in the morning, all that fear will come rushing back...”

Grimnir’s slim thighs where straddling his pelvis now, his whole body inclining on the his torso. Desperate lips and tongue traced Shiva’s own, begging for entrance.

“...Please, Shiva?”

They parted momentarily for Grimnir to whisper a breathy plea into his jaw, making his skin tingle with warmth. His movement was awkward, poorly coordinated and denoted an evident lack of experience. But Grimnir’s slim, thinly veiled body grinding against Shiva alone was enough for his mind to go blank. Even through his clothes, he could feel a definite firmness between their stomachs. 

Shiva wondered whether Grimnir was even aware of the potency of his aimless ministrations. Just his writhing in Shiva’s lap, clumsily fumbling with his clothes were ripping apart the seams that held together his failing composure. 

Grimnir made a triumphant little noise, having managed to push Shiva’s coat off his shoulders. Occupied with the new challenge of undressing his partner, his eyes twinkled with glee like a child waddling in a sandbox. Shiva, meanwhile, remained petrified by the mental exertion of maintaining self-control, unmoving even as Grimnir unbuttoned his vest, removed his cravat and then dress shirt. 

With near reverence, Grimnir began to run his hands over Shiva’s bare torso. The width of his shoulders was even more formidable up close. Toned skin taut over rock hard muscles, abs and a powerful neck that seemed chiseled from solid marble. Lit by the fireplace, Shiva’s body was a majestic mosaic of light and shadows that accentuated every ridge and valley. 

Grimnir’s hands stopped on the firmness of his pectoral muscles, seemingly forgotten how to breathe. Meanwhile, the sensation of so much skin against skin was finally proving too much for Shiva to bear.

“Grimnir…”

Words and sudden movement from Shiva sent ripples under Grimnir’s fingers, while pulsing biceps commanded his attention. _God_ Grimnir could be crushed by those mighty arms and he would die a contented death.

“Grimnir!”

“H-huh?”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

Snapping out of his momentary trance, only now did Grimnir notice how Shiva’s breathing had grown terribly laboured, his large frame trembling with fraying restraint. There was also an unfamiliar, clothed firmness pressing against his own arousal. _Oh_.

His rebellious heart wanted to give a firm nod’ and wing his way through this, as he had carelessly bulldozed through most in life. But a mere glance at the size of the bulge in Shiva’s pants drained the faux confidence out of him.

Grimnir was frankly a little intimidated.

“...No.”

The speed at which Grimnir was lifted off the ground and flung onto Shiva’s bed nearly gave him vertigo. Grimnir soon found himself trapped between the powerful arms he had admired. He swallowed hard, finally realising how menacingly large Shiva was, looming over his own flimsy built.

“You started this dangerous game, now we’re going to finish it.”

Shiva sounded guttural, his words almost a beastly growl that made goosebumps break all over Grimnir’s skin. 

“However, we are stopping the moment you show any indication of wanting to do so. I will not have you hurt yourself with my body.”

“...B...bring it on, then!”

 _I won’t lose._

He had waited forever for this, he wasn’t about to let this rush fade, his courage to seize the chance will away in the winter night’s chill.

Grimnir’s hands snaked up Shiva’s arms, fingertips memorising every bump of scar tissue, muscle and tendon, until they rest on either sides of his partner’s face. 

_This_ was what he had wanted to do on the day of that horse ride gone awry. Grimnir barely had to exert any strength, as Shiva too eagerly descended on his own, hot lips practically slamming into his, locking with them, tongue pushing his jaws open.

Grimnir felt light-headed within seconds. That kiss in the carriage could not possibly compare to the heat pouring into his mouth, pooling in his lower abdomen as their hips grinded together. Shiva’s warm hands - palms somewhat dry and speckled with calluses - ran down his sides with nearly too much care than he rightfully deserved. But it felt good, even better when one of them descended far enough to wrap around his arousal and pump hard, a thumb swiping the leaking tip.

Shards of Grimnir’s broken moan melted to oblivion in the heat of Shiva’s mouth. He fumbled with his hands, dug them into the mattress in an effort to fight the instinct to distance himself from the pleasure’s unfamiliarity. But Grimnir’s treacherous hips buckled into Shiva's palm, impervious to the shame bubbling in his chest at the thought of climaxing when they had scarcely begun.

“Nnn...Shiva… no…”

Shiva was feeling drunk on Grimnir’s breaths alone. 

“...It’s alright.” His tongue dragged a trail up Grimnir’s jaw, stopping at his ears to trace along the lobe’s rim. “Go ahead.”

Grimnir complied, squirting into his waiting palm with a needy sob. Shiva planted a few loving kisses on his cheek, then made use of the time it took for tremors to drain out of his muscles to prepare for what would follow. 

The sudden wedge of cold air snaking in between them as Shiva upped and left for the bedside drawer was devastating. Grimnir had somehow managed to feel even more intoxicated as his desperation mounted. He wanted the solid heat of Shiva back on top of him _now_ , the fuzzy afterglow of his ejaculation quickly dissipated as a drop merging into an ocean of frigidity.

“Shiva…” Grimnir almost couldn’t believe that needy whine to be his own, half praying he didn’t sound as whorish to Shiva as he did his own ears.

“Yes, yes. I’m here.”

Shiva returned with the lubrication and promptly went back to showering Grimnir with reassuring kisses. Having kicked off the restraints of his pants, his own erection throbbed painfully against his stomach. Shiva was still mobilising every ounce of his mental energy to keep himself from just claiming Grimnir. But a mere glimpse of Grimnir’s face made the task exceedingly difficult.

Eyes overflowing with tears, their hues darkening with lust. Grimnir’s cheeks were painted with a flaming blush, his smooth, pale chest heaving in quickened breaths and lips swollen as they were from their mixed saliva. 

Grimnir squeaked in protest as he was suddenly flipped over on his stomach, buttocks raised into the air. There was no way Shiva could keep from possibly wrecking Grimnir’s frail-looking body (even if definition of lean muscles running down his arms and back denoted otherwise) so long as that face was in view. 

“What… Nn-!!”

Grimnir’s indignant cries were cut short when an oil-slick finger crept into his entrance. His body arched with tension, rectal muscles instinctively trying to push the foreign object _out_. 

“Relax...” Shiva lined the alluring curve of Grimnir’s back with nibbling kisses, his free hand reaching forward to gently roll a stiffened nipple.

Grimnir’s still dripping cock twitched back to life at the ministration, but it still could not completely distract him from the invasion in his backside.

“I can’t…! It feels weird.”

“Shall we stop for today, then?” 

Shiva had asked a genuine question which Grimnir took as a challenge. The word ‘stop’ seemed like a taunt, causing the dimming bravado in him to flare up once again. He _will_ have Shiva today. No number of fingers shoved up his ass could stop him from achieving that end.

“No! Just… keep them coming!” Grimnir sounded much too frantic for his own liking. 

“...Alright, as soon as you’ve properly relaxed.”

Ironically, Grimnir’s enthusiasm proved counterproductive to his intention of relaxing. But eventually all four of Shiva’s fingers managed to nestle inside him. It felt as if the slightest movement from himself or the fingers would be enough to rip him apart. _Was this necessary? How tight of a fit could Shiva possibly be?_

Grimnir got his answer soon enough. Shiva may have had an astounding amount of self-control but even that was by no means limitless. The pulsing, girthy length pushed into Grimnir immediately made him feel split open, ripping a cry from his throat. But it kept going, stopping every inch or so for the walls of Grimnir’s insides to accommodate before pushing forward, all the way to Shiva’s hilt.

And yet, came with the pain were also a perverse gratitude and paradoxical sense of relief from finally being full. Within that feeling of being seared inside out was a drop of pleasure, which expanded to fill the entire cavity of his lower stomach. Grimnir would much prefer clinging onto Shiva right now for leverage, but the pillow - soaked with his tears, sweat and saliva - would have to suffice. 

Shiva’s hips rolled into Grimnir’s crushing warmth with mounting acceleration. Hurting his partner was the last thing he wanted, but every single one of Grimnir’s wanton moans, sobs and even pained cries seemed to have the dastardly effect of fueling his movement. Hands now firmly on Grimnir’s hips, their grip so tight his creamy skin darkened into bruises, Shiva practically hammered him into the bed with each thrust. 

Meanwhile Grimnir’s pleas for mercy were lost among cries of muddled pain and pleasure and broken syllables of Shiva’s name. It terrified him, both how brutal his partner was capable of being and how his body seemed to drink up the rough treatment with an unquenchable thirst. He writhed in Shiva’s vice-like hold, mewling like a cat in heat as he was pounded to a depth deeper than any he had previously been aware. Grimnir felt on the brink of tears from anxiety, as if he hadn’t been already sobbing puddles into his pillow.

That sentiment must have been unawaringly vocalised, as Grimnir felt Shiva’s hands leave his hips to settle on top of his own, fingers gently pried apart his tightly curled ones before threading into them. Loving words of reassurance poured into his ears in steamy breaths. Grimnir wished he could ensure Shiva that he was fine, that he craved this more than Shiva could possibly imagine and it was alright to _pick up the pace_ , pump more adrenaline through his veins because he would likely _die_ without this sustained rush. 

But words failed him, disintegrating into incoherence once they fell from his lips. One decisive thrust that met with his prostate made Grimnir spray all over the patch of mattress between his legs. The sudden clench around him was dangerously close to sending Shiva over the edge as well. His remarkable restraint finally took hold at the right time, successfully preventing him from spilling inside Grimnir.

Shiva’s erection might be throbbing painfully still, but at least his partner was spared the mess. Satisfied with himself, Shiva pulled out of Grimnir, catching his body just in time before it slumped down into the mattress and pulling him into his lap. 

“You did well. I couldn’t have asked for more. Rest now.”

Shiva tried to get Grimnir to rest his head against the base of his neck with the expectation that he was spent from exhaustion. But to his surprise, his effort was met with resistance.

“No.” - Grimnir’s voice was already hoarse, his throat raw from crying, but the response was nonetheless sharp.

“Huh?”

“Liar!” 

It took a few seconds of struggling but considering what his body had just been through, the speed at which Grimnir turned himself around on Shiva’s lap was extraordinary. He wished he could do something about the mess of tears, saliva, swollen eyes and lips that was probably his face, but with a pout, Grimnir did his best to get his point across for the dumbfounded Shiva.

“Y-you said we wouldn’t stop until I said so!”

“...It was the opposite. I said we _would_ stop if you so expressed the desire. We technically never discussed the stopping terms on my part, but I wish to stop now.” - Shiva said matter-of-factly, as if a naked and sticky Grimnir squirming on top of him wasn’t bothering him in the slightest. - “I don’t want to put your body under any more stress for now.”

The noise of frustration from Grimnir was terribly cute, he had to admit. 

“You’re doing it again! Deciding what is good for me on your own... Well, not today, you lying fiend!” 

To Shiva’s mild horror and a delight that he refused to acknowledge, Grimnir began to straddle his thighs and line his own, still soft entrance up with Shiva’s engorged cock. 

“Grimnir, stop that…” - Shiva muttered, immobilised as he bore witness to the _very_ nice show Grimnir was putting on that he felt an inexplicable powerlessness in stopping.

“No! I’m not…” - Grimnir interrupted himself with a hiss when the tip of Shiva’s arousal pushed into him once more. - “...letting you… tell me what to do anymore!”

“Ngnn… I’m your boss!”

“Sack me then! See if I care… Damn it, Shiva!!” 

Grimnir spat out Shiva’s name with a shout, impaling himself on his partner’s stiff member. Shiva almost frantically tried to secure his waist, but every intention to stop Grimnir was wiped from his mind upon being swallowed up by the familiar heat and pressure of Grimnir’s insides. 

“Gr…” - Shiva was a hair’s breadth away from cursing. His treacherous hands already helping Grimnir with his ill-advised calculations, pulling his feather-light body up by the hips and ramming it back down with accelerating rhythm. 

The inexperienced Grimnir was reduced to a sobbing, quivering mess in Shiva’s hold once more in minutes. But the spark of determination in his eyes - clouded from lust and intoxication as they were - never dimmed throughout the ordeal. 

Even with his limited capability Grimnir was trying to aim every buckle of Shiva’s hips with his prostate, did his best to tighten the clench around his cock, even if it was already an _incredibly_ tight fit to begin with, while also chasing that morsel of pleasure he had tasted before. 

Fingernails raked across Shiva’s back once he found it, to the effect of Shiva’s teeth sinking into his own shoulder in return. Heat began to build for a third time in Grimnir’s lower abdomen, melting into the one tearing through him from behind and gathering at the broken skin on his shoulder, stinging like a swarm of fire ants. He would be content burnt to a crisp by this heat. Grimnir almost felt regretful when part of it eventually burst out of him in an explosive orgasm. 

But it was soon replaced by an even more overwhelming warmth gushing into his stomach. Shiva filled Grimnir to overflowing, some of the fluids seeping out of his partner back onto his own thighs. There was no avoiding the mess upon pulling out completely now. He grimaced at the disgusting sloshing noise dribbling out as he unmounted a spent Grimnir from himself.

“...You… will definitely regret this, you reckless fool.” 

Blinking sleepily, Grimnir gave the crook of Shiva’s neck a tired smirk. He sounded much too loving for his scolding to bear any weight.

“Heh...Try me.”

\---

Shiva woke to the astonishing vacancy of his arms, clothes neatly folded and laid where Grimnir was supposed to be. The fireplace was still going strong but did little to chase away the early morning chill, possibly due to Grimnir’s absence.

It was barely dawn, Shiva noted as a cold bubble of emptiness opened up in his chest. He hadn’t a clue how Grimnir could possibly have moved mere hours after the stress his body had gone through, let alone doing so with such stealth that he managed to slip away without putting so much as a hitch in Shiva’s sleep. 

Only aware of the scratches on his back upon their stinging, brushed by the fabric of his dress shirt, Shiva threw on barely sufficient amount of layers to guard himself from the cold as the phantom warmth of Grimnir’s body seemed to linger on his skin. He had to get it back.

\---

Through a small window of clarity created by his coat’s sleeve on the frosted glass, Shiva could see Grimnir working inside the orangery, as was expected.

Grimnir’s movement was natural, surprising Shiva in its fluidity, even almost convincing him that the previous night was nothing more than an intoxicated hallucination… Until he began to attempt hauling some medium-sized pots around, anyway. 

Shiva didn’t wait for Grimnir to finish falling on his ass. He rushed to the entrance, swung the heavy door open and made sure to announce his arrival before Grimnir could even consider the futile practice of hiding again.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Woah!” - Startled, Grimnir almost resumed his halted fall after having successfully found leverage on a nearby table. - “Sh-Shiva!! Good morning! Just the usual work routine, you know. These seedlings don’t maintain themselves! Beautiful day out, isn't it? What brings you here so early?”

Shiva raised a skeptical eyebrow as he approached, fascinated by the mix of panic, embarrassment and over the top cheerfulness on Grimnir, finished off with a coating of beet-red blush. 

“It’s still snowing heavily. The sun is being suffocated by clouds as we speak. Beautiful day, indeed.” - His hand settled on Grimnir’s shoulder once they were close enough to prevent him from escaping. - “Why are you not resting?”

The drop in pitch of Shiva’s voice made his words sound more like a threat than the expression of genuine concern he had intended.

Grimnir was trying desperately to avoid eye contact. Not out of fear, however. He just couldn’t bear to look at Shiva when memories of being ravished by him were still so fresh on his mind. He didn’t think it was possible to sweat under these temperatures, but Grimnir felt cold droplets beading on his hairline anyway, their existence paradoxical to the heat rushing to his face.

“I just feel absolutely fine! Yup, two hundred percent charged up and ready for a day’s hard work! Lie in bed any longer and I might’ve kicked you by accident from all this excess energy-“

Grimnir tried to demonstrate his point, unthinkingly, by turning back to the heavy pot and attempting to lift it up a second time. His pelvis shrieked a flash of pain up his spine.

“Fine, huh.” - Shiva sighed, moving closer to pull his quivering partner away from the pot and into his chest. 

Grimnir felt one large hand massage soothing circles into his aching back while the other supported him by the waist, too pained to answer. He could only nuzzle into that welcoming warmth.

“Feeling better?” - Cupping his chin with one hand, Shiva raised Grimnir’s face so their eyes met. Just in time for a single tear to roll down his cheek. Shiva chuckled as Grimnir nodded aggressively both to answer his question and shake the tear away.

“I hope you aren’t regretting last night.”

“No way!” 

He lied. Grimnir woke up that morning choked up with shame when memories of all he had said and done came rushing back with the force of a club to the face. But that was only half of Grimnir’s mentality talking to himself - the insecure, self-loathing part that had built a fence between Shiva and him in the first place. The other half reveled in the memories, basked in the triumph of this next stage in their relationship as well as his newfound courage.

Courage that he had better start putting to good use.

“...Okay, I’m still embarrassed. But I wouldn’t trade what we had last night for the world… And I don’t want all that we accomplished to disappear after the night ends. I…” - He could look Shiva in the eyes now. He had to. - “E-Even if you really fire me from this job, I’ll follow you on that ship or whatever! I’ll go with you to the end of the Earth!”

Shiva felt he needed to get used to being surprised by Grimnir already.

 _Was that a bloody proposal?_ He might not have explicitly worded it so, but stil… 

Shiva was certain he was blushing, most likely another instance he did in a total handful of times throughout his life. He tried to hide it with one hand before running that hand through his hair to cool off. Grimnir had always proven to be great trouble, but never, not in Shiva’s dreams, more trouble than he was worth.

“It would be my honour.” - His heart swelled with affection. 

The clear chimes of a church bell from somewhere fell upon them with the first rays of dawn that landed in Grimnir’s hair, backlighting the finer strands at the edges and framing his face with a golden halo. If an angel were to take form right then, nothing could shake Shiva’s determination that it would take the form of the being in front of him - so breathtakingly beautiful and brimming with strength he felt disgustingly mortal in comparison.

What Shiva didn’t know was that said angel shared his exact same thoughts. Grimnir, however, was less hesitant to either immediately take that divine light in his hands or spend the rest of his life chasing it to the farthest of horizons. He seized Shiva’s waist in a crushing hug, laughter shaking his small frame. Shiva couldn’t help a smile as he returned the hug in full.

They stayed that way for a good few minutes, only letting go once Grimnir raised his voice with genuine concern.

“I love you, but you really have to start letting me do my job properly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hai you made it this far! Sorry for the long wait for those who still cared and good work waddling through this river of cheese! Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> My twitter @vanishingapples if anyone feels like talking/yelling at me \o/


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